


Crying Lightning

by Graverobber141



Series: Ace "Maverick" Shepard [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-30
Updated: 2015-06-06
Packaged: 2018-02-23 04:42:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 41
Words: 31,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2534582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Graverobber141/pseuds/Graverobber141
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They call the Commander "Maverick" for a reason.  He was dead, but now he's back to fight the Collector threat by working with a terrorist organization whose leader tries his best to look like a mobster.  Well.  Hey.  Free ship, right?  And things to shoot at.  And a psychopath who knows what it's like to a be missing a few screws.  They're both messed up.  It works.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dead

**Author's Note:**

> Mass Effect is a great series. I had a lot of fun playing my Shepard, and developing headcanons for the bastard. So this is his story. I'm starting with Mass Effect 2 because it's my favorite, and it has Jack. Who can say no to Jack? Rated Mature because I really have no idea where this is going to go.

The last thing he remembered was black. Before that, there was the slow pain of suffocating to death. But then nothing. He remembered waking up, once, like from a dream, to gaze upon blurry faces of a man and woman. But, once more, the black came. Perhaps that was just a dream in itself.

“Shepard! You’ve got to get up!”

He awoke to some woman yelling at him over a comm, and his head was pounding. God, it felt as if he had a hang-over, headbutted a Krogan, and got ran over by a mako. He rolled over and off the bed, falling onto the ground. His body made a heavy THUD as it landed.

“Get up, Shepard, and get your armor!”

“Who the hell are you?” Shepard growled, dragging himself up and rolling his shoulders. “And could you take that damn screech from a ten to zero?”

“Shepard, there’s no time. Get to the locker to get your armor and pistol.”

“Well, fuck you too,” he grumbled, doing exactly as the mysterious, bitchy voice told him. He didn’t really have a choice. Besides, he never said “no” to a gun. It took a minute for him to suit up, as it always had, but it came naturally. The pistol fit into his hand like a glove, molding into his grip like it was made for him.

He was so disappointed when he didn’t have a thermal clip. “Hey, lady, if I have to listen to your bitchy voice, at least you could do is find me a gun with some damn ammo.”

“You’ll have to find a thermal clip along the way.”

“No shit.”

“Those canisters are going to blow. Grab some cov-”

Shepard barely had time to dunk down as the so said canisters exploded into destruction and fire. He could feel the heat brush across the back of his neck, a kiss from hell. Damn, it was good to feel heat again. As soon as the feeling passed, he was up and charging, heading out of his current room.

“Stay in cover, Shepard, as you take out those mechs. Don’t take any chances.”

He scoffed. “Don’t you know who I am?” 

He stood his ground, holding out the pistol in front of him, and shooting down two of the mechs with a string of bullets. He didn’t even bother to reload for the third. He just charged at it, grabbing its mechanical head and slamming it into the wall to break it open. There were sparks flying around him from the smashing wires.

It was good to be back.


	2. Old Things

Shepard let out a low whistle as his eyes fell onto the SR2, the new Normandy. Her hull glistened in the starlight that shined through the windows of the docking bay. She was always a beauty, but it seemed as if Cerberus gave her a few upgrades, since she was twice the size as before. Cerberus was full of self-serving, racist pricks, but at least they knew how to build a ship. And rebuild Commanders, obviously.

He looked down at his hand and flexed his fingers. They had definitely given him a few upgrades. On Freedom's Progress, in the heat of battle, he had felt it. The strength, the energy, the speed...He was a killing machine before, no doubt. But now he was just plain unstoppable. The thought made him smirk.

He still hated Cerberus. The atrocities they committed in the name of humanity were too much. Other groups throughout history had done the same; it was always the same damn story. In the end, they were always serving their own goals, furthering their own ambitions. The Illusive Man was just as power hungry as any of the others in Earth's past. Hell, if Shepard had met the bastard in person, he probably would've blown his brains out. Good thing they hadn't met in person.

From previous experiences, Shepard knew the only thing the Council ever did was kiss their own asses. They could care less about human colonies going missing; screwing over his people was a pastime of theirs. And the Alliance was too concerned about appearances and politicking to do what had to be done. As much as Shepard hated to admit it, right now, he needed Cerberus to stop the Collectors. He was only damn glad that Cerberus needed him as well.

"Commander, the Normandy is ready for boarding and departure." He recognized Miranda's voice and internally cringed. He expected that the Cerberus lapdog would be sent with him, but he didn't like it, nonetheless. The Illusive Man could've at least gave him one that knew what a joke was, but instead he got this cold hearted bitch.

"Right..." The Commander straightened his back and popped his neck. "Let's get to it then. Can't wait to see what this baby looks like on the inside.” Stepping out of the airlock and into the ship, Shepard couldn't help but whistle again, clap his hands together, and say, "Daammmn."

The Cerberus operatives waited at the front of the CIC as he circled around the galaxy map, poked his head inside the armory, and looked over a few of the navigator stations. It was definitely impressive and big. Bigger than it looked on the outside. The ship had to have a huge cargo bay, where he intended to set up his own shop.

"Well, at least Cerberus can get something right." Shepard finally stopped in front of Jacob and Miranda, crossing his arms. "So, what leads do we have?"

Miranda was about to answer, but Joker interrupted her, coming down from the bridge. "Same as always, Commander! Slow down, look around. They have leather seats!"

"Glad to see your priorities are straight, Joker," Shepard responded with a grin.

"Yeah, but leather."

"Commander Shepard," Miranda butted in with a tone that said she wouldn't be interrupted again, "we have a lead on a salarian scientist in Omega, Mordin Solus. He will be very useful in coming up with a repellent against the Collector swarms."

Shepard rubbed his jaw. "All right. We'll check him out...but Miss Lawson?"

"Yes, Commander?"

"Remember who's running this ship. To your posts, crew! Let's get this show on the road!"

"Aye, aye, sir." Jacob saluted and headed towards the armory.

Miranda simply nodded and walked towards the elevator.

"Wow, Commander." Joker reached up under his hat to scratch his forehead. "Miranda seems to already hate you. Usually it takes at least a day for them to start hating you."

"I'm becoming more time efficient." Shepard laughed once. "Come on, Joker, we have people to kill. Just like old times."

"Speaking of old things..." Joker jerked his head over toward a large, black trunk shoved against the wall near the elevator. "Got you something...It's not as big as your old collection you had on the SR1, but I think you'll like it."

Interested, Shepard went to kneel in front of the trunk, snapping open the latches and pulling up the lid. What he found inside made him grin. It was a classic record player, updated with technology that allowed it to be played through sound systems. Packed tightly into the case were also many, many vinyl records to go along with it; mostly they were his favorite Earth classics, some of the albums were released almost two hundred years ago.

"Joker, I love you," was all he could think to say at first. After a moment, he added the sarcastic remark, "I knew there was a reason I saved your ass."

Joker waved his hand. "Yeah, yeah. Now we're even. And Commander? Good to have you back."

"You as well, Joker." Shepard stood, following his pilot back to his station to watch him take the Normandy off. "I wouldn't want anyone else flying my ship."

"Anyone else wouldn't put up with your shit."

Here he was, pissing off with Joker. Just like old times. "Shut up and fly, Moreau."


	3. Dossier: Convict

Beastie Boys' Sabotage resonated throughout the cargo bay, blaring through the speakers normally used for communication from the other decks. Targets were lined up at the far end, near the drop door. Shepard stood at the other side, lining up perfect shots with his sniper rifle. He liked making the Widow's loud bang sync with the thrumming of the drums in the song. It gave extra effect to the recoil against his shoulder.

Click. Shot. BUMBUM. Impact. BUMBUM.

This was how he cleared his head. This is how he thought. Strangely, it was also how he stopped thinking as well. He couldn't sit down; he wasn't that sort of person. Joker and the doctor were used to his "Shepardisms". The rest weren't. But mostly it only surprised the humans. The aliens were as bad as he was.

The salarian doctor moved faster, talked faster, thought faster than even Shepard. And people said Shepard had a problem. Mordin was constantly all over the place. It amused Shepard; watching him was work was quite entertaining. The salarian was definitely an asset. The team needed someone who could think that far ahead. Well, there was Miranda, but her bitchiness made Shepard tune her out when she started talking. She nagged worse than Chakwas did after a mission.

Shepard had met Zaeed on Omega. The bounty hunter had seen everything, and was deadly with an assault rifle in his hand, even if he had no depth perception. He also knew what it took to get the job done. Shepard liked him. He liked him more when the veteran gave him some of those flashy fire grenades.

Then there was Grunt, the latest to join the merry band of misfits. Now Grunt was something different. The Captain America of Krogans. Strong, fierce, and almost fucking impossible to bring down. Shepard liked having him in the team. Damn, did it make things more interesting. And it was fun competing with the hulk. Just like he used to do with Garrus.

But who was next? He needed a lot more professional killers to pull off his little suicide mission.

The datapads on his dossiers sat on a small table next to him. He'd only glanced over them all; hadn't really read them in depth, but he got the gist. Archangel. The Master Thief. The Convict. Only one way to decide.

He kicked the table, causing it to tip over and send the pads flying through the air and into the ground. He slowly walked to the closest one, bending over to pick it up and wipe the dust from its interface. The first line of the text glared up at him from the bright screen: Jack.

"Jack it is," Shepard mumbled before turning down the music so he could call his pilot over the comm. "Set a course to Purgatory, Joker. We have a package to pick up."

"What, are we picking up your long lost twin brother, Commader?" Joker retorted back.

Shepard laughed. "Ace and Jack Shepard? Hey, at least we'd be good at blackjack. Winner, winner chicken dinner."


	4. Jack

Shepard just knew, just KNEW, that shit was going to hit the fan when the prison guards asked for his guns. First, that meant they were stupid enough to ask him, for fuck’s sake, HIM, for his weapon. Second, if they were that stupid, then they were stupid enough to try something. And, of course, they did.

By the time he finally found who he was looking for, Jack, he had already shot up half of the inmates, and made the Warden’s skull more hollow than it already was. It looked as if she had been having her own fun. The whole ship was going down because of her, and now she was making three more guards into a pile of blood with her biotics. 

He raised his pistol as another charged at her from behind, bringing him down with one well placed shot to the head. Jack whirled around to face Shepard, pacing back and forth, and greeting him with a snarl, “What the hell do you want?”

“Oh, no need to thank me.” Shepard met the bitterness with sarcasm. He often met everything with sarcasm. “I just saved your ass. That’s all.”

“He was already dead. He just didn’t know it.” The same amount of venom was in her voice. “Now, what the hell do you want?”

“Well…” The Commander looked at the Normandy, jerking a thumb out to point towards it. “That ship? It’s mine. And the only one currently on this on-fire-and-about-to-crash-prison. Since I have the armor, I thought I’d offer to play your knight today, and rescue your ass.”

She scoffed, shaking her head as she began pacing again. “Damn, you sound like a pussy.”

His eyebrow twitched. “I’m offering to be your friend. You DON’T want to be my enemy.”

“You want me to go with you on a Cerberus ship? Do you think I’m fucking stup-”

He didn’t even let her finish. “I certainly don’t think you’re smart. Unless if you have a death wish. Didn’t I mention my ship is the only one on this station?”

The lovely convict seemed to be weighing her options. Finally, she started walking towards him. “Fine. If you want me to go with you, make it worth my while.”

He raised an eyebrow, walking forward to meet her. “I’m listening.”  
“Cerberus. I want to see their files. See what shit they have on me.”

He almost laughed at that. “That all? You’ll have full access.”

She narrowed her eyes. “You better be straight up with me.”

“Quite honestly, I couldn’t give less of a fuck.”

They stared at each other for a while. Finally, she nodded, and looked at the window at the Normandy. “Then what the fuck are we still standing here for?”

Back on the ship, Miranda raised hell in protest, which Shepard saw coming. He merely gave her his antagonizing smirk, stating, "Miss Lawson, if you have a problem with the way I run my ship, you're welcome to submit complaints to the service department. It's right up the bridge to the left, before you reach the cockpit. Just make sure to enter while we're not docked."


	5. Talk is Cheap

Shepard stopped the elevator on the engineering deck, coming up from his daily target practice down in the cargo bay. His boots clanged against the metal as he headed through the doors and descended into the sub-deck. There he found the newest addition to the crew, reading a datapad placed on her lap. Others were piled below the cot.

"Straight to business, eh?" He stood with his arms crossed, glancing around at her chosen quarters. "Settle in all right?"

She didn't even look at him. "Don't be my friend. I need you for these files. You need me to kill for you. That's all."

"Hm. Rather simple. But I look after my crew." Shepard walked to the workbench table, sitting on its top. "Find the answers you're looking for?"

"I'm not looking for answers. I'm looking for names, dates, places." The way she said told Shepard exactly why she wanted that information.

"So...what? You can go on a killing spree?" He raised an eyebrow. "Okay. That's a whole conversation on its own. Now...I'm more interested in the why."

Jack stood from the cot, picking up a gun and walking away from Shepard. She looked down at the weapon as she spoke. "Cerberus raised and fucked with me in a facility. I escaped. They've been chasing me ever since. But now I'm going to be chasing them."

The Commander exhaled, rubbing his jaw. It made sense now, fitting together like a puzzle. He understood her, though she would never believe he did. "This has been in your head for a very long time."

"Everyone I kill, I pretend it's the ones that did this to me." Her eyes were still glued to the pistol.

He opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but decide not to. He just couldn't help but stare at her silhouette, listen to her words, look at the way she looked at that gun, and be reminded of that kid on Earth he used to be. She wouldn't care about what he had to say. He knew it, because he felt it once. 

"Well...if you ever feel like getting out of this pit...Let me know. I'll find better quarters for you." He left her with that, before he started thinking too much.


	6. Mistakes I'd Make Twice

Jack crossed her arms over her chest and paced back and forth impatiently as Shepard talked to the merc recruiter about Archangel. She just wanted to skip to the part with action already. Instead, they had to do all this searching and information bullshit. She'd rather just kill all these mercs and spend some time at the club as the Commander got his guy.

"I'll bring you back a dead vigilante soon." Shepard said. "Just have the credits ready when I return." He turned to face his squad, and gave them a gesture of his head that meant to move out. 

As they filed out of the door, some kid entered the room, boasting about how he was going to kill Archangel. "This is where to sign up, right?"

Shepard stopped dead in his tracks, turning around swiftly to face the kid. "You're not a day over sixteen. What the fuck do you think you're doing here, kid?"

Jack wondered why the fuck Shepard even cared. Jack wondered what the fuck Shepard was even doing. 

"I grew up on Omega," the kid was saying, "I know how to shoot a gun. I just got this one yesterday, and it's going to be the one that takes out Archangel." He took out the pistol, wavering it around so badly that Jack knew he didn't know how to fucking use it.

"Wow. It's real nice. Almost good airsoft gun material." Shepard stormed up to the kid, and snapped the gun out of his pathetic grasp in one, quick movement. He slammed his hand into the thermal clip a few times, damaging it so badly that it would never be able to be loaded in the future. "I'd get my money back."

"What...what did you do?!" The kid was horror struck.

"I just saved your fucking life." Shepard stared at him with a look like it was personal. "And made sure your future at least lasts until tomorrow. One day, you'll thank me. Kid."

The Commander didn't even pay attention to his ranting. He turned around and walked out the door, singing some tune that he wasn't even old enough to fucking know. Jack followed him, beside Zaeed, wondering just what the fuck that scene was all about. 

As they were hunkered down, firing at some mercs in Archangel's hideout, who was actually Shepard's buddy, Jack asked him, because why the fuck not? Zaeed had been left with Garrus, and Jack knew. Jack fucking knew. "What gang?"

Shepard looked at her with his brows together as he dunked down in cover. The look told her what she already knew, yet he didn't want to say anything about it. He shook his head. "Does it fucking matter?"

Jack leaned around the wall, sending a shockwave into the last enemy. "If it doesn't fucking matter, than it won't fucking matter if you answer the question."

He huffed out a breath of air, sliding his jaw back and forth. "Back on Earth. Tenth Street Reds."

He put his the rifle on his back and turned away from her, heading back to Archangel's perch. “Come on, we still have work to do.”


	7. Aftermath: Horizon

Loved. Past-tense. She had loved him. Only loved him. And to rub salt in the wound, she threw it up in his face that he owed his life to Cerberus, that Cerberus owned him. It was like it would've been better for her conscious if he had stayed dead. Perhaps it would've been better for his conscious if only he had stayed dead.

He gave everything. Fuck, did he give everything. He had watched her back. He had saved her ass. He had been there for her. He had given her everything he fucking had, and then some more. And now he got that. The fucking cold shoulder, like he should've stayed dead. 

Like it was his fault he was back. That he was alive. He didn't ask for this. He. Didn't. Fucking. Ask. For. This.

If she could move on, wanted to move on, then he would as well. Fuck her.

Shepard leaned forward in his desk chair, grabbing the picture of Operations Chief Ashley Williams. With it in hand, he stormed out of his cabin, and took the elevator down to the cargo bay. As soon as the doors opened, he threw the picture onto the floor as he went about making his masterpiece.

At first he was going to simply shoot the hell out of her face, but that was too simple. No, he had something else in mind.

He set up one of the suits of armor Cerberus had given him near the end of the bay, and took apart some of the plating to expose the wiring. He started ripping it out, making sure it was out in the open, in the perfect spot to make sparks for him when needed. Oh, this was going to be so much fun.

"Commander," EDI's voice came over the comm, "I suggest calling down to Jacob to help with the adjustment of armor and weapons. Exposed, those wires could be a hazard."

"I've got it handled," Shepard growled in response. "Oh, I've got it all handled."

He went to the armor locker, pulling out a belt of inferno grenades. With them in hand, he returned to the suit, hooking the grenades into the wiring, and messing around with their coding to make it where he could detonate it remotely.

"Commander, that is really not advisable," EDI bitched.

"Good thing no one's advising," He responded as he picked up the photo of his former lover, the bitch that left him on Horizon when he was risking his life for the fucking galaxy.

He knocked back the helmet of the body armor, fitting the frame perfectly inside the neck hole.

"Commander, please, stop your actions. You have no idea what damage this could cause to the ship."

Shepard paid the AI no attention. He walked to the other side of the cargo bay, pulling up his omnitool. He searched through some songs, and finally decided to play Taking Back Sunday's "You're So Last Summer."

As the song reached the chorus, he turned to face his creation, and hit the detonation on his omnitool. The suit exploded, shredding bits of armor all over the bay, and creating a fire that blazed madly. He stood there with a smirk, calling up Taylor. "Hey, buddy, that new ship plating you got us? It holds up pretty well."

And then Miranda broke through the come. He could swear it was a screech, "What did you do?!"


	8. Aftermath of Aftermath: Horizon

It was bad. Shepard had suspected that it would be. He had just detonation a bomb in the cargo bay, though any real damage hadn't been done. To be honest, he was actually a bit disappointed about that. Making the Kodiak go boom would've made the whole scene so much better.

But Miranda was pissed. And Garrus was giving him that "Talk to me about your problems, bro" look. Kelly wanted to "discuss the situation". And Shepard just wanted to move on. Continue his mission.

Yet, instead, here he was. In Miranda's office. Sitting in a damn chair. Getting scolded like a child. It was his fucking ship, damnit.

"Commander, this mission is of the utmost importance," she was screeching, "and stunts like you just pulled only set us back. Besides, you put the lives of your whole crew at risk-"

"Wait." Shepard scoffed and shook his head. "Do you know how thick the armor of a warship is? Definitely with that hull upgrade Taylor set us up with. I know my ships, Lawson, and I know my explosions. The only thing that was in danger was your intestines, and that's due to contact with the stick up your ass being rammed further up."

"Whatever your excuses are," she shot back, "or whatever you think you know, it still doesn't change the fact that this sort of behavior is dangerous to our mission. It's rash. Irrational. And it'll only serve as a set back."

Now that was fucking perfect. That made him laugh. "Look, Miss Lawson, that behavior is exactly why you brought me back. You and I both know that."

"We brought you back because you're Commander Shepard."

He crossed his arms and chuckled. "And that is Commander Shepard. Nothing gets in my way. And you brought me back because you need me."

"Commander-"

"What are you going to do?" He interrupted, leaning forward and giving her a smirk, a challenging smirk. "Go tattle to the Illusive Man, who probably already knows, just so he can lecture me? So Cerberus brought me back. Yeah, I owe you that much. But you're missing the main point here."

"And what is that?" Miranda gave him the death glare. It didn't phase him one bit.

"That you. Need. Me." Another chuckle. An arrogant one. "You've invested time, resources, credits into me. And it's because of that exact reason. We both know I'm the only goddamn person in the galaxy that can stop the Collectors. The Reapers. And we both know that nothing stops me from accomplishing my mission."

It felt like he was back on Earth as a kid. Strutting for the Reds. Part of him missed this; the chest pounding bullshit. Another was sick at the fact that he enjoyed it so much. But this was a part of who he was. He just chose what to use it for.

"So stop with this bullshit," he asserted. "Because it's going nowhere. And let me do my job."

There was silence in the room. They just stared at each other for a while. Finally, he leaned back in his chair. "We done here?"

"Yes, Commander," was her response, and she promptly went back to her computer as he stormed out of the room.


	9. The Things I Haven't Done Make a Short List

Jack was glancing over another Cerberus datapad, lying on her cot when she heard the footsteps descending into her hole. She sat up as Shepard entered the room with a bottle of whiskey in one hand and two glasses in the other. He was dressed in a leather jacket and jeans, instead of his normal uniform.

"Uh, Shep-"

"We're drinking." The Commander said, placing the glasses on the workbench and filling them both up with alcohol. He walked over to her, handing her a glass, before tilting his head back and downing his own.

Oh. Right. It was clear what this was about. His fucking stunt in the cargo bay had been the only talk on the ship for the day.

She twirled the whiskey around in the class. "I'm not saying no to the booze, but isn't this self-loathing, getting drunk shit better done alone?" She shot back the glass, giving her head a shake. "I mean, you do have your own fucking cabin for this shit."

He refilled the glasses. "Because there is a fine line between getting drunk and self-loathing. And it's too depressing to be drinking by myself."

And then his glass was empty a moment later. "Garrus...Love the guy, but I cannot stand his looks. Miranda's a bitch...I'm afraid to get Grunt drunk...Mordin's...A doctor. I don't drink with doctors...And Zaeed? Well, he's old."

He grinned. "You won the jackpot. Ha. Get it?"

Jack gave him a look, one that said she'd wish he would just shut up. The only reason she was still drinking was because she wouldn't be outdone by a fucking Alliance Commander. So her second round was gone, and he prepared a third.

"I actually find you interesting. That's the real reason." He stared down into the glass. "You and me come from the same place. And people like us make better drinking partners."

"Do you just fucking compare us?" Jack snarled.

He shook his head before drinking more of the whiskey. "No...But you do make a better drinking buddy. You have stories...You've got to have stories. Come on."

Jack drank her glass before holding it back out towards him for a refill. "Yeah, well, I'm not sure that you want to hear my stories."

"Try me." He said it with a smirk, as if he had something better up his sleeve. Oh, how she was going to show him.

"All right." She threw back her current glass. "I once drove a space station into a hanar moon. They called it vandalism."

"Really?" He laughed, shaking his head. His glass was gone a moment later. "Nice. I once hijacked a shipment of element zero and blamed it on my rivals. Two birds with one stone."

She scoffed. "Yeah, well, during this one Alliance parade..."

By the end of the little competition, pissing contest, really, the Commander had ended up passed out on the workbench. He finally rolled off of it in his slumber, jerked around a bit, and drunkenly rose to his feet, heading to walk back up the stairs. “I want fucking pancakes...I’ma gonna go make pancakes.”

“Yeah, you do that,” Jack told him.


	10. Arabella

Illium. He was pretty sure the whole damn planet represented everything he hated about rich, pompous society. He despised places like this. No. He’d rather be on Omega. People would shoot you in the back on Omega, but at least they were upfront about it. Illium was all a game. False smiles, fake faces, and lying mouths.

But...He did find his new guitar there.

She was a beauty. Black body with a red pickguard. Electric, of course. He prefered it to acoustic. There was nothing like jamming down on a rift, making the strings screech with the static sound from the amp.

He named her Arabella, after the Arctic Monkeys song. He blared the song throughout the ship as they headed to their next destination, playing along on his new instrument. At the guitar lick, he extended it, adding in his own little riff. Just havin' fun with it.

"Can you turn that down, Commander?" Joker grumbled over the comm. "Some of us are trying to drive."

"What?!" Shepard replied. "I drive better with this stuff on." He ripped down the guitar's neck, inserting his own solo into the song.

"And the mako is proof to that." Garrus's mandibles flickered up in a grin. 

"You're just a hater, Garrus. A bad, bad hater." Shepard responded by cranking up the amp a kick more.

He could see Jack walking a bit closer. She hardly ever came up from the engineering deck, except to eat. Shower. That sort of thing. The only reason she was here now, probably, was because they were about to be dropped for the next mission. Yet she was moving closer. Hesitantly.

"Hey, Shepard," she asked with a small grin, "what else you know?"

"Whatever you want to hear," he replied, returning the grin.


	11. Noise

Jack's eyes opened quickly when she heard footsteps above on the engineering deck. She only slept when the others did. Everyone else should've been asleep. So who the fuck was that? 

She grabbed the pistol under her pillow and walked up the stairs silently. She followed where she heard the footsteps go, pointing the gun down into the drive core room. She didn't find any Collector, any Cereberus bastard that decided to try and come after her, or any other enemy. Instead she found the Commander, facing away from her, and leaning forward with his hands against the panels. His head hung low. He hadn't even noticed her.

"What the fuck are you doing down here Shepard?" Jack asked, putting the gun into the back of her pants. 

Only her voice seemed to break him from his trance. He slowly turned to face her, blinking. He ran his hands over his head before leaning back against the panel. "Jack...Hey."

She narrowed her eyes. "Seriously, Shepard, what the fuck?"

"You think I'm stalking you?" It was a question, and he laughed, though it sounded forced. "No. Don't flatter yourself. I, uh..." He shook his head. Huffed out air. "...the noise...It hollows out my head."

She walked forward. Slowly. Unsurely. Honestly, she didn't know what the fuck she was doing, but a moment or so later, she was standing next to him, listening to the humming of the drive core. "They make chemicals that do a better job."

He looked down, scoffing. "I know." He paused, looking at her a moment before looking away quickly. "I sold them."

Jack couldn't help but laugh shortly. "You? Commander fucking Shepard? Drug dealer?"

"You already know. Tenth Street Reds." The Commander closed his eyes. "I sold red sand. Manufactured it. Hallex as well...Used..." 

"Well, shit. Shepard." She responded, fidgeting her feet. They were close at the moment. "How the fuck did you end up here?"

He chuckled dryly, rubbing the stubble on his jawline. "Well...I almost died. Then I took a look around. Realized that most of the people I cared about, people I would die for, and that would die for me, were dead. And that some of them actually did die for me...Because of me. So I got out."

"I feel like you're turning this into a fucking intervention," Jack snarked, though she knew what he was talking about. She knew everything he was fucking talking about. And she was still standing there, for some reason she didn't fucking know, because she definitely didn't want to be talking about this.

"No..." Shepard gave her a look, one of those looks she couldn't comprehend. The way he looked at her sometimes...It wasn't pity. Longing, perhaps? She didn't fucking know. "You just....understand. No one else fucking does. And...No one will be able to convince you of anything. I know."

He knew. She knew. A silent understanding. And she hated to admit it, could even hardly admit it, but they were more alike than they were different. Yet that small difference made the difference of two worlds.

They stood there in silence, just listening to the noise of the drive core. There was no time. Only the head-hollowing Shepard had described. Though they both knew it only had a limited effect. But little was better than none. 

And then Jack had a question. A fucking curiosity that was eating away at her. "What was it like? Dying?"

He was slow to answer, tightening his grip on the railing. "I died from suffocation...It's a slow way to go. You know it's happening. Hm." He raised his head to look up. "But it was one hell of a view as I went...Sort of wish I actually could've appreciated it...But after the pain, after that moment when it hit, there's nothing. And I have no idea what that means."

More silence. He spoke again, more quietly. "But sometimes I wonder if nothing is better than this."

"Want to get drunk and shoot something?" That was the only way Jack knew how to respond.

"Hell yes." Shepard chuckled once. "Thought you'd never ask."


	12. Explosions Make Everything Better

Shepard descended in the engineering sub-deck after his daily target practice in the cargo bay. That had become his routine. Yeah, Lawson did try to limit his time in the cargo bay, but he told her that it was his damn ship; he’d go where ever he wanted to. And now he was going to go visit Jack. Because he wanted to. And because she wanted him to, he liked to think, even though he knew she’d never admit it.

“Jack-” That was all he could say before she shoved past him, hands covering her head.

“I’ve got thoughts like bugs crawling through my head,” she was mumbling.

He turned to face her as she took a seat on the staircase, bringing his brows together. “Jack. What’s the matter?” He was tightening the fingers on his left hand, the hand that his trigger finger was on.

“Cerberus,” she growled. “I’ve never seen your pal before, the Illusive Man, but Cerberus raised me. Tortured me. Drugged me. All to turn me into some sort of super biotic.”

Shepard frowned. “He’s not my friend. I need him for my mission. That’s it.”

“Like me, huh?” Jack scoffed.

“No.” He knew a hurt expression flashed across his face; he couldn’t fucking help it, but he did replace it with one made of stone. He shifted his feet before walking to stand in front of her, staring at her for a few moments. “Not in the slightest.” 

She didn’t answer.

He sat down next to her, folding his arms across his knees. “Go on.”

“I just remember a scared little girl, alone in a cell, begging and crying for the pain to stop.” Her brown eyes were staring straight forward, though she wouldn’t look at him. “The other kids hated me. I was kept separated, by myself. Only brought out to take part in Cerberus’s sick experiments.”

He was silent for a while, rubbing his jaw. “Yet you did escape.”

“There was a riot,” she explained, “and I managed to slip out. I was picked up by a ship. The crew used me. And then sold me. Not the fucking uplifting story I know you were expecting.”

“If only I ever saw the Illusive Man in person.” Shepard looked up at the ceiling deliberately. He didn’t care if any bug picked up what he was about to say. In fact, he wanted to be heard. “I’d show him exactly what I do with bastards like him.”

Jack stood up suddenly, walking forward, beginning to pace. “I want a big fucking bomb, Shepard. I want to plant it in fucking Teltin, Pragia, where they kept me. I want to plant it exactly in my fucking cell, and blow the whole fucking place to hell.”

Shepard stood from the stair he was sitting on, taking a few steps closer to her. “Well...Sounds like we’re going to have to make a stop on Omega.”

She looked at him questioningly.

“We’re going to need to make a bomb.” He grinned. “And a big one. The cargo bay stunt will be child’s play to what I’m going to build...So we need to stop on Omega. For supplies. Because I promise you this, when I’m done, there won’t be anything left but a crater where the facility was.”

She gave him a look. It was that sort of grateful, unsure look that only screwed-up people used. The sort of look that someone would use to say thanks for blowing up something for them. “I owe you, Shepard.”


	13. Where Is My Mind? Pt. 1

Jack told him that it was a mistake. A fucking mistake. She told him that she wanted to go back, but he didn't listen. Shepard just put his hand on her shoulder as they stepped off the Kodiak, saying to her in a reassuring voice, "I'm here. We're going to do this, Jack. And everything is going to be all right."

"Yeah, yeah, I fucking know, all right?" She growled, shrugging his hand off her shoulder. She didn't like the touching. It was too complicated. Brought up complicating thoughts. "Let's just get a move on."

And they did. It was like a nightmare, stepping back into that place. Walking through the halls she never got to walk through as a kid. It was hell. The place was hell. But Shepard was there, and for some reason, that made her feel better, and the fact that the whole place wasn't going to be there for much longer.

Shepard was silent as they went through the first few rooms. She talked, he listened, and Miranda had enough fucking sense to not say anything and just watch their backs. 

Even though he didn't really speak, the look on Shepard's face clearly showed disgust at what he was seeing and hearing. Jack figured he was finally fucking having second thoughts about his employers.

In the courtyard, where she explained the arena and how she was taught to love killing with drugs, Shepard finally broke his silence with a growl, "Fuck Cerberus. Sick bastards...Wish I would've done a better job of cleaning them out two years ago."

"Commander, this is obviously a splinter group," the cheerleader bitched back at him. "You can't just label the whole organization based off of this one group."

"Oh, I'm not," he shot right back at her. "I've seen your other work as well. Lawson, how about we drop this? We have work to do."

Jack snickered. "Seems like that pretty little ass of yours can't get everyone to kiss it. Not used to that are you, huh?"

"That is not-"

"Jack. Lawson." Shepard stared them both down. "Not now. We came here for a reason. Let's get the job done."

"A completely irrelevant mission that doesn't relate to our actual mission in the slightest," Miranda grumbled under her breath, shooting Jack a dirty look, which Jack gladly returned with a middle finger.

"Drop. It." Shepard was using the stern voice. 

Jack huffed. So he was allowed to start shit but she wasn't? She's didn't even want the Cerberus bitch here, and obviously the Cerberus bitch didn't even want to be here. Shepard had insisted, though. They were going into an old Cerberus facility, he had said, and they needed someone who knew Cerberus inside and out.

They kept going, and the memories kept on coming back. At least shooting varren helped a bit as thought control. And then they started shooting mercs, even though no one was supposed to be here, but the combat was welcomed. In the heat of battle, there was only the heat of battle.

It all didn't make sense to her. It was just loud fucking noise, and she no longer knew the truth. Her cell had had a two way mirror, so she could see the other kids, but they couldn't see her. There was a morgue with a lot of coffins, but she knew she had the worse of it. It had to be their fucking fault if they couldn't survive. And the riot...She couldn't even fucking think about the riot.

And then they finally reached her old cell. It was like she was back as a kid, but she was still pissed off.

Shepard took point as the doors opened, looking around in the room and narrowing his eyes. "We know you're in here. Come out now, and it'll make a lot of things easier for you."

The guy stood up from behind some crates. "My name is Aresh, and you're breaking into my home." He looked at Jack, and she saw that empty look she knew all too well. "I know you, Subject Zero."

"My name is Jack," she growled back, raising her pistol at him. "And how the fuck do you know me?"

"You were the question...," he went on, "and I'm still looking for the answers."

"Hm..." Shepard crossed his arms over his chest. "Jack, he's here because of the same reasons as you. Lower your weapon." He tried to raise a hand to make her do it, but she stepped out of his reach. "Jack..."

She didn't listen to him, but she did listen to Aresh explain what he was doing there. He collected mercs so he could try to open the fucking place back up. So that he could fucking continue what Cerberus had started. She didn't care about his escape story, or his sick fucking rationalization to make it make sense in his own head. Nothing was worth what they did; there was no fucking reason. She just wanted him dead. DEAD. 

Shepard was watching her with those fucking eyes she didn't want to deal with at the moment. "We can still plant the bomb, but we've got to do something with him."

"Just leave me here," Aresh pleaded. "It's where I belong."

"Fuck that!" Jack sent a wave of biotic power towards him, forcing him onto his knees. She raised the gun to point at the back of his head. He needed to die. She wanted him to fucking die.

"Jack." There was Shepard's concerned voice. His fucking eyes with that one look. He was stepping closer. "Stand down. Now. You don't have to do this." The first part was an order, yet the second was a damn plea.

"He wants to restart the place!" She shouted, taking a step back. If the Commander tried anything, she'd be able to blow off Aresh's head before he reached her. "He deserves to die."

"He's fucking crazy!" Shepard stopped trying to get closer. "He's never going to get this place started. He's messed up, just like you are, and trying to find a way to cope, just like you are by blowing up the place." He lowered his voice, shaking his head. "Kill him, and Cerberus wins. You become the animal they wanted you to be. But you have a chance to change that. Don't let your past control you."

Jack stared down at Aresh, growling. Fuck Shepard. Fuck his reasoning. Just..."Fuck!" She lowered the gun. "Get the fuck out of here. Now. Go!"

He was gone a second later.

"He's not worth chasing," she said, shaking her head. "None of it is."

Shepard nodded, taking a few steps towards her. She didn't move away. "Glad you finally realize that."

She scoffed. "I want to look around. This was my whole fucking childhood."

"I'll step out and call in a squad to bring the bomb," Miranda finally fucking spoke. She was gone from the room a second later. She probably didn't feel all that great about what she had seen.

Shepard looked at Jack, as if he was asking if she wanted him to be there. She gave him a nod before leading him through the room, telling him about everything she saw: the mirror, where the other kids would never notice her, and the desk that was her only safe place. By the time she was done, a team had arrived with the bomb.

Shepard took a few minutes to check out everything on the bomb, and then they were out, back on the Kodiak. She kept on flipping the top of the detonator, unsure about pressing it. Shepard was watching her, waiting for a signal, and finally she nodded, flipped the switch, and pressed the button.

The Commander slammed his fist against the door to the cockpit, and a moment later they were soaring up as the facility below them exploded. The Kodiak shook, and Jack was sent into the ground. Shepard slammed against the door. Miranda was holding onto a bar. Soon, they were out of orbit, and safely heading back to the Normandy.

Jack rose to her feet to peek out the window, watching the destruction below them. She felt...pain, anger, but also relief. Like she was finally leaving the past in the past. She felt a hand on her shoulder, and knew it was Shepard's. This time, she didn't shove it away.


	14. Where Is My Mind? Pt. 2

Jack went back into her hole as soon as they were back on the ship. She was surprised that Shepard hadn't immediately followed, but she knew he'd be down soon enough to check up on her. Probably to make sure she hadn't blown the ship up. That was obviously his fucking job. She had a lot to think about without him anyways.

Like how Teltin was now nothing more than a crater, like Shepard had promised. And yet the memories were still there. How the fuck was she supposed to get past that?

It took him an hour or so, but he came. He tried to be silent, but he really wasn't the subtle type. Jack heard could hear his distinct step approach from up above on the engineering deck. He had a military walk; first, his heel would hit the ground, and then the rest of his foot, marching style. Yet it was a lot louder than others, like he was stomping around because he owned the place. But he came down into her territory, slipping around the corner and taking a seat on his usual spot on the table. "Hey, Jack." 

"Coming to check up on me?" She sneered, glancing off to the side. It was still damn hard to meet his eyes. His looks. She wished he would just tell her what he wanted from her. They always wanted something.

"Yeah," He replied. She could hear the smirk in his voice . "Got a problem with it? Too bad. It's my ship. I go wherever I want."

"Whatever." Jack shook her head. "But, Shepard..." She looked up at him, finally. "I owe you for this. Thanks."

"No problem. I never say no to blowing things up." He grinned, though after a moment his face softened. His voice was gentler. "I'm glad to help you...in anyway I can." 

"I don't need your help, Shepard." She looked away from him, lying back on her cot. "You think it's easy? You have no idea what it's like to have shit like that following you around."

"Never said it was easy," Shepard responded. "And you make a lot of assumptions. I'm not here to compare shit. I'm here because I want to be."

"Then you must be fucked up." She stole a glance at him, watching him shake his head and smile a bit tiredly. He wanted to be? What the fuck did that mean anyways?

"And that’s news?” His smile turned into a small grin. “Come on. Everyone’s known that for a while...Still, think letting Aresh live made things better?"

She scoffed at the mention of that fucking lunatic. "He was stuck. Like you said, he let Cerberus win. I'm not doing that. No one fucking owns me." She sat up again, placing her feet on the ground and crossing her arms. "Knowing that place is a crater...shit, it's great, but...No offense, I still sort of want to shoot everyone I see."

He scratched his jaw, a habit she started to notice that he did when he was thinking. And then he mumbled, "Well, I guess it’s a start.” He slid off the table, starting to walk back towards the stairs, mumbling, “Good talk.”

Jack was about to go back to...whatever she wanted to do, but Shepard stopped in his tracks. He scratched the back of his head, turning around to face her. He didn’t speak at first. Just looked at her with squinted eyes.

“What?” Finally, she asked. “You look an idiot, standing there with your damn mouth open.”

“I have a proposal,” He finally stated. “Look, you’re going to sit here all night, mulling over the past and blah...And I say fuck that. Let’s go shoot some shit. Need to do some target practice anyways today.”

Jack narrowed her eyes for a moment. “Why?”

“Why the fuck not?” That was his reply, and he said it with a grin. “Maybe I’ll teach you how to shoot the Widow.”

Jack hesitated, but shooting things did sound a lot fucking better than sitting where she was all night long. “All right. Why the fuck not?”


	15. Hero

A dialect Collector ship just waiting for them conveniently in space? That turians were able to bring down, yet he wasn't? Yeah, sounded like bullshit to Shepard. And a trap. He knew how this shit worked. He did it back in the day. Lure in the enemy with what they desperately needed when they desperately needed it. It worked for a reason. Shepard needed to board that ship. He didn't really have a choice.

He did get to choose who came with him, and he needed strong fighters that he trusted. That meant Garrus and Jack. Garrus had followed him into hell and back before, and the turian held far more than his own. Jack...Hell, they'd both been dancing around their feelings. Neither of them wanted to admit it, stubborn. But she was also a powerhouse, and he needed that if this was what he thought it was.

The three of them suited up and loaded onto the Kodiak. The Commander checked his equipment, re-checked it, and kept on checking it, almost like out of a nervous habit. He hated this. It would've been fine if it was just himself, but he looked over at Jack, saw the way she was watching, as if she knew something was up, and hated himself for putting her into the fire. And then he hated himself some more for practically insulting her ability to handle herself.

The Kodiak docked on the Collector vessel, and Shepard and his squad headed out. The place resembled some kind of insect hive more than it did a proper ship, and it was quiet and still. Too quiet and still, and Shepard didn't see any signs of a battle or struggle. He was liking this less and less by the minute.

They passed by a pile of bodies, and Shepard felt a growl rise in his throat from his chest. It disgusted him. Made him believe more in his cause than ever, even if he had to work with-not FOR-the fucked up Illusive Bastard.

Eventually they came along a long, large chamber lined with pods on the walls. Thousands...No, millions, of pods. If he screamed, Shepard was sure it would've echoed for hours. 

Jack said what he was thinking, "They're planning to hit Earth."

"We'll kill them first," the Commander practically snarled.

Finally, they reached the control panel, just waiting out in the open. So many alarm bells were ringing in his head, though Shepard plugged up EDI, and kept a hand near his rifle. "Jack. Garrus. Keep your eyes open...I have a feeling that shit is about to hit the fucking fan."

"Usually does when it's this fucking silent," Jack said as she pulled the shotgun from the back of her waist, turning to cover Shepard's back with Garrus.

“Data mine in progress,” EDI informed Shepard, but a few seconds later, sparks flew from the control panel, the lights went black, and the platform they were standing on shifted. Jack ended up on the ground, and Shepard barely kept standing, having to grab the panel for support.

“What the hell just happened?!” The Commander straightened his stance as he pulled his rifle from his back, holding it in his right hand as he watched figures approach from the distance...They looked like platforms, like the one his squad was currently standing on. Shit was about to get real.

“Power surge,” Joker called in over the comm.

“It wasn’t accidental,” EDI explained, “Shepard, this was a trap.”

“Shit,” Shepard growled. “All right, let’s get the fuck off this ship.”

“I knew Cerberus would screw me again,” Jack snarled as she ducked down behind cover along with Shepard.

Garrus followed suit as he mumbled, “We can complain about the Illusive Man later. We’ve got bigger problems heading our way.”

“Just keep a tight formation,” The Commander stated, “And keep up. Once we’re moving, we’re going to be moving.” 

And then hell descended upon them. Fire flew over Shepard’s head as he took cover and burned down his shields when he popped up to rain down his own bullets. He could feel the adrenaline pumping in his veins, making his heartbeat thump in his ears. Damn, it felt good. And he was about to fight fire with steel.

“MOVE!” As soon as the word left his lips, Shepard jumped over his cover, and charged straight into the line of Collector bastards. Bullets pounded against his shields as he bashed in the face of one of the giant insects. Garrus gave him covering fire and Jack was right beside him, smashing their enemy with her shotgun and biotics, as he quite literally punched a hole through the Collectors’ lines.

They were moving. The Commander lead the charge, taking most of the heavy fire, though kept on checking behind him to make sure his squad was hot on his heels. He'd been in some deep shit before, but, damn, this was going to be close. And Joker was yelling over the comm about how the ship was powering up and they were running out of time.

And then the storm really started raging. A praetorian decided to drop in, sending a beam blasting right into Shepard's shoulder. He hit the ground hard, barely having enough coherence from it to crawl behind cover before another one hit him.

"Shepard!" Garrus screamed. "Are you alright?!"

"Yeah," the Commander grunted back. He lifted a plated glove to feel his shoulderplate that got hit...Damn. The beam had melted part of it, and his shoulder was pounding from the pain. Another beam hit the block that he was using for covering, making it shake from the force. "Shit...Just a little stuck here!"

"Just hang on, Commander!" Garrus screamed back. Shepard could hear him returning fire.

"Fuck this," Jack snarled. "He's cornered!" And then he heard Jack do her thing, pulling out all her cards in an attack against the flying, giant, shit-eating insect with a few shockwaves of her biotics.

And that's when everything exploded. Time slowed down to Shepard, though everything happened in less than a minute. 

First, the praetorian turned its attention to the approaching biotic. Shepard rose out of cover to see Jack jump out of the way of the beam, though it followed her onto the ground. She threw up a biotic barrier to block it, though it was blasted down in a second. Her back was hit hard. She was down.

Garrus started shooting at the praetorian, drawing it's attention away from Jack, and giving Shepard time to charge forward as the thing swooped down near the turian. It was just close enough...

The Commander grabbed an inferno grenade from his belt, jumping forward and grabbing onto the praetorian's shell. He hit the detonation button and shoved the grenade into its hole stuffed with heads, pushing himself over as a beam grazed across his back before the thing exploded in fire.

He hit the ground hard, though pushed himself up to run to Jack's side. She had raised herself up onto her knees, and the blast hit didn't look bad, yet she was grasping her neck. His eyes fell on the oxygen tank strapped to her side. It had been blown. Fuck.

Almost immediately, he ripped off his helmet, and reached inside it to pull free the oxygen mask, pressing it into her face. She gave him a look that was half-thankful and half-glaring.

"Commander, we need to go," Garrus said as he came to their sides, holding his rifle up as more of their friends started approaching.

Shepard growled, letting Jack get a few more breaths before holding the mask up to his own nose. He took a few deep breathes, gave it back to the biotic, and started quickly hitting keys on his omnitool. The adrenaline control on his suit was pretty easily overridden, and he felt its effect immediately as it pumped through his veins.

"Shepard," EDI called in over the comm, "Your pulse is climbing...An excess of adrenaline can cause-"

"Save it for later," The Commander grumbled. "Too late now."

He picked up Jack in his arms and just started running. Garrus covered his back. They were just rushing it to the finishing line. He felt his heart thumping in his chest. Fast, hard. It felt as if it was about to explode. But he had to keep going.

Finally, they reached the Kodiak, and Shepard immediately dropped Jack before falling onto his knees.

"Shit," he heard Jack say, "Is he having a heart attack?"

"Just get us back to the ship," Garrus told the pilot. "Commander, are you hanging in there?"

He tried to respond, but the words wouldn't come out. The pain was deep in his chest, and blackness overcame him.


	16. Do I Wanna Know?

Shepard woke up in the sick bay attached to a few monitors and some IVs. He rose up onto his elbows, taking a look around the room to see Chakwas walking to his side. His body was sore and his head pounding, but at least he was alive. Damn...

"I know you've told me many times not to tell you how to do your job," the doctor was saying as she checked him over, "but what you did was extremely dangerous, Commander. Your heart could've exploded. You were on the verge of having a heart attack."

Shepard yawned dramatically, giving his head a shake. "Yeah, doc, I tuned half of that out. Do I check out?"

"You need to be monitored-"

"Yep." The Commander ripped out his cords, jumping up from the bed. "I check out."

He stormed out of the sick bay, ignoring Chakwas's protests. He marched into the elevator and went straight up into the CIC. A second later he was looming over Joker and staring at the...chess piece...hologram that was EDI. "I want a report of what the hell exactly happened."

"The Collectors faked the turian signal," EDI explained. "Commander, Cerberus could not have missed this. The Illusive Man knew it was a trap."

"He set us up," Shepard growled.

"Before you storm off, Commander, you might want to hear the next part," Joker added. "It's sort of super important to our mission."

The soldier had already stepped back, but stopped in his tracks with a sigh. "EDI?"

"From the data I gathered, the Collector ships use a identification friend or foe system, IFF, to separate ships that pass through the Omega Relay. If we want through to assault their base, we're going to have to get one."

"Then we're sure as hell going to get one." Shepard slapped the back of Joker's seat before turning to march towards the debriefing room. "Joker, get the Illusive Man on the comm. I've got a few things to say to him."

"Already have him linked up, Commander," the Flight Lieutenant responded. "And I moved all of the breakable things out of debriefing room. You'll thank me soon."

The Commander was soon standing in front of the link, and as soon as the Illusive Man was loaded in, he snarled, "You set me up, bastard. And I don't appreciate being stabbed in the back. But most importantly, I don't appreciate you putting my fucking team at risk."

The Illusive Man just watched him, smoking a cigar with that fucking smug, patient, 'I know better than you' look. Finally, the mastermind 'boss' blew out a long strain of smoke before replying, "It was necessary. We needed that information. If I had tipped you off, then you would've acted differently. The Collectors would have retreated, and we would be nowhere."

"No," Shepard spat back. "That shit doesn't fly with me. Fuck your excuses. You won't do it again. And if you ever set my crew up, put them at this kind of risk, again, I will burn one of those cigars through your eye. And then I'll smash your skull open."

"I suggest you calm down, Shepard," The Illusive Man replied calmly, patronizingly. "Besides, I can't promise what you ask. We have to accomplish our mission no matter the costs."

"Easy for you to say from your comfy seat."

The Illusive Man didn't respond to that. He purposely moved the conversation forward. "We know we need an IFF, Shepard. And I have an idea of where we'll get one." 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Anger. Pure, red, blazing rage. That's usually how his conversations with the Illusive Man left him, and usually he cooled off by shooting in the cargo bay. But Miss Lawson stopped him this time, warning him with some made up fucking repercussions that he shouldn't be there now, and that he'd be screwed if he blew something else up. So, instead, he found himself pacing back and forth in Jack's hole, venting. 

She hadn't really said anything. She was just lying on her cot, listening to him rant. Actually, she was probably not even doing that; instead, just tolerating his presence.

"I can't wait until I finally fucking meet him." Fuming. Shepard was fuming. "I'm going to put a bullet in his damn head. Right between the eyes. And then I'm going to put more fucking bullets in him, drench him in his bourbon, and then set him on fucking fire, just to make sure he doesn't come back as a zombie."

Finally, Jack huffed in what he could only assume was irritation, and sat up quickly on her bed. "Why the fuck did you do it?"

The Commander stopped in his tracks. Shut his mouth. He pivoted on his heel to stare at the biotic for a while in silence. The only thing he could think to say was an intelligent, "What?"

"Why the fuck did you save me?" Well, obviously she was thinking about something else the whole time he was ranting.

He crossed his arms over his chest, blinking. "...I need a deep reason besides the fact that you're one of my crew? You're welcome, by the way."

"Would you have done the same for the Cerberus bitch?" Jack growled. She was...really angry about this.

"No, I would've videotaped it so I could have watched it later," he replied sarcastically. "What is this about?"

"It's about sex. That's what it's fucking about, isn't?" She jumped up from her cot and stormed right up to him. Shepard didn't move as the gap between them practically became nonexistent. "You want to fuck me."

He couldn't help but stare down at her. Take this closeness they were at to another level in his mind. Hell, he'd dreamt about her near him every night that week. "Pretty sure there's easier ways to get laid."

"Just shut the fuck up and take what you want." She grabbed the back of his head as soon as the words left her lips, which she immediately placed upon his own. The kiss was primal, hungry. No passion.

She backed him up until his back slammed into the crates. His hands were exploring down her thighs. Her fingers were undoing his belt buckle...And that's when he realized what his really was. Just sex.

Suddenly, he pulled back, placing his hands on her shoulder. "Stop. Jack, stop."

"Why?" She reached for his pants again. "Isn't this what you wanted?"

Shepard shook his head and he stepped away from her. "No. Not like this."

Jack snorted at that. "What, are you into some weird shit?"

"I want more." He ignored the deflective comment, giving it to her straight as he stared into her eyes. This was as honest as it got for him, probably. He took a step towards her.

"More? Like a fucking relationship?" She quickly backed away from him. "Yeah, that's fucking insane. And I don't want any of that shit from you."

"I think you're lying," Shepard said softly. "And you use sex as just noise. You want this to be just noise, but I know it's more."

"You know shit," Jack spat at him, turning away from him completely to storm back to her cot. "And I don't want shit from you. Don't fucking act like you know me."

He stared at her softly. After a moment, he inched towards her. "Jack-"

"Just get the fuck away from me," she demanded.

Shepard stood there awkwardly in silence, rubbing the back of his neck. He thought about what he wanted to say, do. Then he just sighed, hung his head, and left her alone.


	17. Closest Thing to Family

It was good to have Tali back on the ship. Shepard always considered her to be the little sister he never had. Hell, if anyone tried to hurt her, he'd shoot them. The bodies of geth he left in his wake while getting to her were a testament to that point. With her, Garrus, and Joker, it seemed as if the old team was back together again...Almost. 

Damn...

They were gathered in the mess hall with some others from the crew, playing a few hands of cards. Shepard wasn't really into it, which for him was a good thing, since it meant he wasn't losing any credits by making ridiculously risky bets. No, he was thinking about Jack's absence and how she had been giving him a cold shoulder for the last few days...Hell, he didn't know what to do about that situation, and it was killing him.

Women.

Eventually, Tali called him out. "Shepard? We haven't bankrupted you tonight. Something's wrong."

He blinked, setting his cards on the table. He ran his hands over his face, giving a shake of his head before replying, "Just tired. Constantly putting your ass on the line to save the galaxy does that to you, I've learned."

"Pft." Joker looked at the Commander with disbelief. "Yeah, right. Tali, Shep's got a problem with his pants."

"What?" The Quarian responded.

"I do not," Shepard growled defensively. "There's nothing wrong with my pants."

"It's what in your pants, really, Commander." Joker just wouldn't let it go. "And what it's thinking about. Who it's thinking about."

"Wha-" Tali began, but was cut off by Garrus.

"Shepard's having girl trouble."

"I am not!" Shepard covered his face with his hands.

"Ohhh..." Tali was looking at him, he knew, with pity eyes behind her mask. "...Ash?"

He glared up at her from between his fingers. Completely silent. He sort of felt bad about it, since she seemed to shrink because of it, but he hate that they were all pushing his buttons. He just wanted to fucking drop this, everything about relationships, out of his head.

"Yeah...we don't mention that name anymore," Joker explained. "She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named sort of went bitchy."

"Shepard, I-"

He didn't even let Tali finish. "Seriously. I don't want to talk about it, all right? No apologies. You guys didn't have a damn thing to do with it. I'm done with Williams." He mumbled the last sentence as he picked up his cards, "And any other fucking woman on this ship."

"Commander," Garrus gave him a look that said 'I think you're lying'. "Come on..."

"Wait. Shepard's after another one?" Tali asked.

"Oh yeah." Joker grinned at Shepard. "Bat-shit one as well."

"Yeah, Commander...We should talk about that later." Garrus chuckled. "I'm raising, by the way. Think I might make enough after tonight to get a new rifle."

"You wish, Garrus," Joker snorted.

"I'm not after anyone, Tali," Shepard mumbled. "They're full of shit. Raise it."

Tali looked down at her cards, and threw a few chips into the pile. Once her turn was over, she asked sheepishly, "So...Who is she?"

Shepard sat there for a few seconds. Calmly, he put down his cards. And then he stood abruptly, placing his hands under the dinning room table and flipping it. The others had scurried out of their seats to avoid getting hit by the flying table.

As he was storming off, Shepard could hear Tali say, "I guess he really didn't want to talk about it."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Shepard found himself once again in the cargo bay, but this time he was wailing onto a punching bag. Sweat painted his body, and his breathing was accerlated. The only thing that mattered to him was landing the next hit. He didn't even have any sense of time, only that he'd probably spent most of his evening down here.

"Hey. Shepard?"

Hell, he was so into venting his bottled up emotions that he didn't even hear Tali approach. He gave the bag a few more punches before actually acknowledging her as he picked up his water bottle. "Please, Tali, I appreciate the thought. I just don't want to talk about it. Or anything."

"Well, I know you don't want to," she responded, "but you need to."

He snorted in reply, chugged some water, and went back to violently abusing the poor workout equipment. 

"You should talk to her," Tali persisted.

"Tried. Doesn't work," Shepard spat in response, hitting the bag so hard it made his knuckles hurt. Good. That's what he wanted to feel.

"You don't talk, Shepard. You yell, make demands. But you hardly ever have a real conversation."

"I can have a real conversation." Another defensive response. Another hit that shook his hand to the bone. "I just don't want to because I find it pointless."

"Really?" He swore that was the sternest he'd ever heard Tali get. "Then why can't you have a real conversation with your friend right now?"

Shepard stopped, turning his head to glare at her. Finally, he sighed in frustration, and sat down against the wall. He ran his fingers through his hair, as he often did when he was exhausted, and not just physically. "All right, Tali. You win."

If he could've seen her face, he probably could've seen her smiling in triumph as she walked over to him. "Look. Shepard. Just talk to her. Let her know how you feel. Show her. And then give her time." She kneeled down, putting a hand on his shoulder. "If she lets you get away, then she's a bosh'tet."

Shepard smiled tiredly up at the Quarian. "Thanks, T."

She held out a hand to help him up. "Just take a shower beforehand. You smell awful, and I have an air filter. That should tell you something."


	18. Sins of the Father, Salvation From the Enemy

Talk to Jack. Tali had said to talk to Jack. That was easier said than done, though. Shepard had showered and changed, yet was pacing back and forth instead of manning the fuck up. Tali was right, though. He was bad at these sort of things. Probably part of the reason that it ended badly with Ash. No, Williams. Nicknames and first names were reserved for people he liked. Last names were used in the military. He used them to assert his dominance over someone, and that almost always meant that he didn't like them.

And thinking of bitches...Shepard's omnitool started beeping, displaying on its screen that Lawson was calling him over a comm. He mentally cringed, groaned, and answered it with an irritable, "What the hell do you want?"

"Commander, I need to speak to you. Mind coming to see me in my office?" Lawson's voice was strained, as if it was killing her to make this call. That meant she needed his help with something.

He narrowed his eyes down at his arm. "Yeah, sure. Give me a sec."

He hung up the link, not even bothering to wait for an answer. After running a hand through his hair and sighing, he went over to his desk, picked up a bottle of whiskey, and chugged back some. It was like fire sliding down his throat, and only then was he ready to face the beast in her office.

A short elevator ride later, he was standing in front of Lawson's desk with his arms crossed. He made sure to stand as she sat. That was an obvious declaration. She thought this was her ship. Well, he was showing her that it was HIS ship. "Again, Lawson, what the hell do you want?"

She looked up at him. Looked away. "I...know we've had our differences, Commander. But something has come up. Something that I need your help with." She took in a deep breath. "It's a personal matter, and it's very important to me."

At first he thought about being a total dick, like he usually was, but instead he just took a seat. Scratched his beard. "All right. Tell me about it."

Lawson blinked. He could read the uncertainty on her face, the distrust. But she finally responded, "You know that my father created me from his genes...Well, I have a sister. A twin, actually." She paused, pursing her lips. "I escaped my father. And I made sure my sister was out of his hands."

"Yet there's a problem," Shepard interrupted, crossing his arms over his chest. "Always is."

"Yes." Lawson glanced out the window before returning her gaze to the Commander. "My father has discovered the location of my sister on Illium. Cerberus is making arrangements to relocate her."

"Sounds like you have it handled." Shepard raised an eyebrow. "Why do you need me?"

That made Lawson go quiet for a moment. "I...want you to be there to make sure nothing goes wrong. You do get results. And I want to protect my sister."

Shepard tilted his head to the side as he listened to her request. Again, he thought about being a dick, but he knew he couldn't. No matter how much of a insufferable bitch she was, Lawson was still a part of his crew, and he looked after his crew. Always. He rubbed his jaw. "All right, Lawson. I'll do it."

She seemed surprised at his answer. "Thank you, Commander. My contact will be waiting for us on Illium."

Shepard nodded and grunted. He stood from the chair, walking out the office door. "Have Joker set the course."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Niket's body laid on the floor along with plenty of dead mercenaries. Shepard watched Lawson walk past her old friend, only giving his face a single look before continuing on to the elevator as she stated, "We need to make sure my sister made it."

Shepard followed her on board with Jack, crossing his arms over his chest. Half-way through the ride, he cleared his throat. "Lawson. You had to do it. It's not your fault."

"He chose his side," she responded.

Jack snorted, and Shepard shot her a look that said to behave. She glared back at him.

Finally, they were arrived at their destination. Jack grumbled something about waiting behind, and Shepard followed Lawson forward off the elevator. She stopped in her tracks when she saw who Shepard assumed was her sister.

"She's safe." Lawson's face softened. "Good...I'm ready to go, Shepard."

"Wait...you're not going to talk to her?" Shepard looked at Lawson in disbelief. "Really?"

"It's better if she doesn't know about me."

Shepard shook his head. "After all that shit we just went through? Lawson. Fucking. Talk. To your. Sister."

Lawson sighed in annoyance. Around him, everything she did was out of annoyance. After giving him a glare, she went over to where her sister was standing.

Shepard couldn't help but smirk in victory.


	19. Time

Shepard had barely shed his armor and changed into his regular clothes when Joker called in over his comm, "Uh...Commander. Jack went to have a little chat with Miranda. Stuff is flying through the air from what I hear. Might want to intervene before they tear a hole in the ship. That tends to be bad."

"Ah, fuck!" Shepard shook his head as he stormed into the elevator, heading to the crew deck. His feet slammed down against the metal floor as he barged into Lawson's office, just in time to see the show.

"I will smear the walls with you, bitch!" Jack snarled, using her biotics to send a chair flying across the room. 

"Hey!" Shepard immediately stepped forward. "Knock this shit out! Stand down!"

Jack didn't even take her eyes off of Lawson to look at him. "The cheerleader won't admit that what Cerberus did to me was wrong!"

"You clearly weren't paying attention on Pragia," Lawson snapped back. "It wasn't Cerberus. Just a splitter group." She added with a small scoff, "But you clearly were a mistake."

"Fuck you, bitch!" Jack went forward like she was about to strike at Lawson. 

Shepard barely had time to step in the way, using his body as a barrier between the two. "I said stand the fuck down!"

Jack ignored him, actually trying to circle around him to get to Lawson. "You have no idea what they did to me! But maybe I should fucking show you."

"Jack!" Shepard growled, stepping right in front of her to once again block her path. 

Jack glared up at him defiantly. "You aren't the fucking boss of me."

"I knew bringing the unstable convict onto the ship would be a mistake." Lawson just couldn't shut up, could she? And Shepard was just beginning to respect her, even if it was a tiny bit.

"Oh, I'll make you regret-"

"All right. ENOUGH!" Shepard pulled out the angry, loud, don't-fuck-with-me voice. He was quickly tiring of this. Fuck, he was pissed at both of them at this point. The voice seemed to have it's intended effect though, because both of them quickly shut up.

"You." Shepard stared down Jack. Yes, he cared about her, but this couldn't slide. "Lawson may be a bitch and hard to get along with, but she's part of your fucking crew! Turning against your crew only helps the damn enemy!"

Jack glared at him, though didn't respond.

Lawson was probably about to say something else asinine, but Shepard spun around to glare at her. It was her turn now. "And you! Can you not pull your own head out of your ass long enough to sacrifice your damn pride for the mission?! You claim to want to protect humanity, but you can't admit that Cerberus made a goddamn mistake just to keep the fucking peace?"

He turned again so he could face them both. "Ever heard of divide and conquer? Fighting against each other only makes the Collectors stronger, makes their fucking job easier. You don't have to like each other, but you have to fight together. And not only do we die, all of damn humanity dies, if we fail."

An uncomfortable silence settled in the room. Good. Maybe he finally got through.

Jack broke the silence. "Fine. I can wait to settle this until after the Collectors are dealt with. Wouldn't them to steal my chance to fillet her." The biotic started to storm out, but Shepard held out his arm to hold her back.

"Are you guys going to play nice?" He asked.

"Fuck you, Shepard." She shoved his arm out of the way, immediately leaving the room.

Lawson went back to her desk. "Thanks for coming, Commander. Who knows what she would've done."

Shepard didn't even dignify that with a response. He hurried outside, onto the crew deck, to chase after Jack. He barely made it into the elevator on time before the doors slammed shut. "Jack-"

"Oh, shut the fuck up, Shepard,"  
She growled. "I don't want to hear your shit." As soon as the doors opened again, she marched out and started descending into her hole. "So go the fuck away."

"You're mad at me for not letting you kill Lawson?" He wasn't letting her get away. He followed her down, standing on the steps as she went back near her cot. 

"I said fuck off, Shepard!" She growled that even more venomously.

"No." He was persistent. Had to be persistent. This game was driving him fucking insane. "You're not mad about what just happened. It's a good cover, yeah. But you're mad because I want you. You want me. But you're too fucking stubborn to realize it."

"I don't want shit from you! Definitely a dumb shit love affair!" She finally turned around to face him. "It doesn't ever fucking end well!"

He walked closer, so that he was right in her face. He managed to not yell the next part. Instead, he asked almost gently, "What are you so afraid of?"

She took a few steps back away from him, facing away again. "There was this guy. Murtock. We went on a run together to steal some weapons. One of us made it out. Guess who."

Shepard simply listened, letting her take her time.

"He came back into the fucking fray, you know? For me." She scoffed and shook her head. "He could've grabbed the guns and ran, but he didn't. I made it onto the shuttle. Found a message about how we were supposed to have a life together. How he loved me...Fucking idiot."

"You can't blame yourself, Jack," Shepard saved softly. "Death happens. It fucking sucks, but it happens."

"I don't," she snapped back. "He was the idiot. Death is easy. Fucking on/off switch. But this burrows in your, and soon you're like those husks. Dead and empty inside."

Shepard took another step forward. "Look, Jack, this shit hurts, and it marks you in fucking ways that can never go away. I know. But you can't keep on fighting this by yourself. You need someone; you need to trust someone, talk to someone. Because trying to just survive in this fucked up world with all that shit is eating you alive. I can't make it all go away in a few talks-"

Jack didn't let him finish. She turned away and scoffed. "Fucking thought so. Said this was a bad idea. You didn't listen. Guess you'll be spending more time upstairs now."

"No. I'll be down here." He put a hand on her shoulder, smiling softly. "Drinking whiskey. Playing loud music. Plotting to make Lawson's life a living hell. Because you're worth it. Even if you don't believe that."

She faced him now, shaking her head. "It'll just end fucking badly. You'll just end up dead. You'll mess around. Or I'll have to fucking kill you."

"Well that's just unfair." Shepard looked her straight in the eye. He wasn't going to let her escape now. "I won't mess around, and you'll only have to kill me if I become indoctrinated. I've been around a lot of Reaper shit. Hasn't happen yet." He paused, sighing heavily. "Maybe I will die in this war. Anyone could. But life is nothing but empty without risk."

He didn't let her protest. He leaned forward, resting a hand on her cheek as he pressed his lips against her. It was a kiss. A real kiss. It didn't last long; she pulled away quickly, but there was something there. He wanted it. He knew she wanted it too.

"I just need time to think!" She pushed him away. "Just leave me alone."

"I don't think that's what you want," Shepard responded. "But all right. Think. I can wait, at least for a bit."

He could hear her grumble "Goddamnit" under her breath as he left.


	20. Cry Wolf

Shepard stood in front of the mirror in his bathroom. His body was bare. Every scar, marking, and ink was reflecting back at him. His story. Cerberus had made sure to leave it intact. He wondered, though, if they were the same, or just some replica of the originals. The thought made him sick.

He looked down at his bruised knuckles, a testament of what he had done today. He was slipping...No, it wasn't slipping if it was intentional. If he wanted it. If he needed it.

Sometimes he thought that this was a lie. Sometimes he thought he was a wolf trying to force himself into sheep clothing. And then sometimes he thought the life he lived before was a lie. He couldn't tell which one was real and which one was just a mask: the Commander or the criminal. 

There was a philosopher from Earth, old guy named David Hume, that said self identity didn't exist. People were constantly changing, so there was no constant self. So perhaps he wasn't either. Fuck if he knew. 

It wasn't that what he did was incredibly bad. Hell, he'd done worse. It was mainly the rush it gave him. How much he enjoyed it.

His knuckles were sore. First, he had helped Garrus beat the shit out of Harkin to find Sidonis. Personally, Shepard had wanted to kill him. Garrus had just shot him to leave a blood trail for C-Sec. And then he had beat the shit out of Kelham. He had been prepared to do some serious damage to him as well. And...he had shot Thane's son's target. Killed the racist himself to keep the boy from becoming a murderer. It was the only sure way.

"Pure results come from pure methods," Thane had said. Well, fuck Thane. The galaxy wasn't a pure place. It was actually a very fucked up, impure place. Things were chaotic. Nothing happened because it was supposed to happen, and most of the time shit happened. He did what he needed to do to get the job done. Saving the galaxy from the Reaper threat didn't leave much room for a strict moral code.

He stared into the mirror, running his fingers over the tattoo of the wolf on his left side, over his ribs. Fenrir. The son of Loki from Norse mythology. On Ragnorak the beast would devour Odin, chief god. He was chained to the World Tree, and bit off Tyr's hand.

Fenrir was also the street name he used in the Reds. His Tyler Durden. Well, as long as he didn't start seeing a double of himself, and start recruiting space monkeys to blow up buildings, he should be fine. At least on the surface.


	21. Screw Politics

"Leave my crew out of your political bullshit!" Shepard's last line of his speech...Well his soap box yelling time...left the Admiralty Board speechless. Hell, it was like they'd never had someone call them out on their bullshit before. Or even just been scolded by their mothers. Fuck, Shepard felt like a damn father yelling at a bunch of five year-olds, and he was supposed to be the immature one.

Well, it did the job. The Admirals hung their heads in shame and fucking left Tali alone. Which was good. Plan B was to start smashing in some heads, and that probably wouldn't end well with Quarians. The helmets would break so easy, and then...Yeah, bad.

With his job done, Shepard straightened his back so he could stand tall among those who he had just smacked back down into their places, turned around, and walked down the aisle as the court dismissed. Tali followed right behind him, actually jogging a few steps to catch up with him. The Commander stopped before they reached the ship, facing his pseudo-little sister. Behind his helmet he was smirking. "It's useful being me."

The Quarian chuckled. "It's fun watching you shout...It's been a while since someone's struck down the Admiralty Board. It'll do them good."

"I sort of wanted one to really piss me off." Shepard leaned back against a window. "So I would've had an excuse to punch him. Now that would've been exciting."

"Shepard," Tali mock scolded, "didn't we have a conversation similar to this? Hitting people isn't an appropriate or acceptable way to deal with problems."

"But it is fun," Shepard replied. He stood up straight again, continuing on his way back to his ship.

"So I hear." Tali walked beside him this time. He was taking his time now, easier to keep up with. "But...Shepard...what you did back there...thank you. You saved me without...you know. It means a lot to me."

They stepped through the airlock, waiting for the air to pressurize. Shepard took off his helmet, breathing in the oxygen of his ship. The bucket was so stuffy. He ran a hand through his hair before looking at the Quarian with a small smile. "You're family to me, T. I'd do anything for you. Even if it included killing someone. Especially if it included killing someone."

"I always wanted a violent older brother," Tali replied back with a chuckle. "And I'm here for you as well...Speaking of which. Shepard." She held him back from crossing into the inner ship. "Cerberus. I don't trust them, and I don't like you working with them, but I understand it. Just...be careful and watch after yourself, okay?"

Shepard exhaled and nodded. "Yeah, I know. It's also why I needed you here, Garrus here. I know you both have my back."

"You'll stop the collectors," Tali said assuredly, "and then you'll tell that bosh'tet Illusive Man to jump out the airlock."

"Or push him out myself." Shepard grinned.

"It's good to be back." Tali chuckled once more before giving the Commander a hug. "And it's good to have you back."


	22. Pyjaksuit

Shepard stood in front of the mirror, looking himself up and down with a frown placed firmly on his lips. He was wearing a tux. Specifically, the tux Kasumi had gotten him. And he looked absolutely ridiculous. Dress blues, formal wear, and even fucking polos just all felt wrong on him. Like he was some goddamn monkey instead of an evolved human being.

If Liara was here, she'd probably point out that it was due to his authority issues. And then point out that, that had to due with his fatherly abandonment issues. He was actually pretty glad she wasn't here.

Shepard sighed as he rubbed his head and jaw furiously. At least he didn't have to shave for this. He was pretty sure he would've went berserk if they made him do that. And, yes, by they, he meant the horde of bitches waiting outside for him that were giving him advice how to pick up women. He just had to go tell them about Samara's mission...

He exited the bathroom and walked into the mess hall without what little dignity he had left in his life. The room fell silent as all eyes shot to him. Tali and Kasumi faced each other to "discuss" with looks...Which he really didn't understand how that worked. Kasumi had a hood and Tali had a damned mask. How could they even see each others' expressions?

"Shepard," Tali said, pausing dramatically after his name. "You look amazing."

"I agree," Kasumi said with a grin. "And it's proven effective. How many asari wanted to dance with you at Hock's ball?"

"You mean how many asari Shepard probably let down because he can't dance," Tali corrected.

Fucking...

"You look very handsome, Commander," Kelly added to the conversation. "Any girl who would say no to you in that tux has to be crazy."

That was so goddamn true. 

Shepard rubbed his eyes, shaking his head. "I still think my leather jacket and jeans would've worked fine."

"N7 leather jacket," Kasumi pointed out. "Clearly states you're Alliance military. Boring. In that...You can be anybody. And it adds into the whole...dark, mysterious persona. Play off of that."

Garrus was snickering in the corner. Shepard was glaring at him, considering putting turian on the menu for the night.

"Yeah," Tali agreed, "Besides, your 'old school rock' t-shirts, by today's standards, are just dorky, not cool."

"You do realize I'm not actually going on a date," Shepard pointed out. Seriously. He was about to explode. "I'm luring out an extremely dangerous criminal to kill her, not fuck her."

"And you need to look the part," Kasumi said.

And then Lawson, Lawson of all people, had to walk into the mess hall. First, she just stormed past him. But she stopped, turning around to do a double take. "...Shepard."

He didn't even turn to face her. Nope. Wasn't going to give her the satisfaction.

"You look decent. Perhaps you should let other people dress you more often."

His eyebrow twitched as he let her walk away. One win for her. A loss for him. That wasn't acceptable, but he just couldn't think of a proper reply in time. "Joker, set a course to Omega."

He had had it. Throwing up his hands, Shepard stormed into the elevator, hitting the button to send him down to the engineering deck. Only one opinion mattered to him, really, and, he knew, it was going to be the worst out of the bunch. Oh well.

When he walked down the stairs of the sub-deck, Jack immediately started laughing her ass off. She was enjoying this way too much. Enjoying seeing him in pain. 

"Damn, Shepard. What's with the pyjaksuit?"

"Helping Samara kill one of her daughters," he said it so casually, leaning against the workbench. "Obviously, I have to lure her in with sex appeal, and obviously, the women of this crew disapprove of my usual attire."

"You're picking up someone?" Jack raised an eyebrow. Was that...subtle anger he heard in her voice? Or was that what he just wanted to hear?

He smirked at her. "Don't worry, Jack. This is a perfect test of my fidelity. She's an Ardat-Yakshi. If I have sex with her, I'll die. You'll know."

"I don't care who you fuck," she said, looking away from him. 

"Hm." He pushed himself up, beginning to head back to the CIC. "I promise, we'll go hell-raising together soon on Omega."

"Not in that goddamn ridiculous get-up."

Well, at least someone agreed with him.


	23. Wrex

Tuchanka was...Well, Shepard would’ve said that it wasn’t what he had expected it to be, but it was exactly what he expected it to be: a wasteland. Grunt sneered his nose up at it, confused. The krogan even snarled, “This rock isn’t even worth standing on.” Shepard understood where he was coming from, but he also knew how the other krogan that lived here must feel.

A beaten down, shithole cesspool might be a beatdown, shithole cesspool, but to those that lived there, it was home. In the part of the city that Shepard grow up on back on Earth, he couldn’t walk down the street without witnessing a murder, mugging, or drug deal. The day he got out of there was the happiest day in his fucking life, but still...Part of him knew it was home. His home. And he’d defend it with his life.

The guard wouldn’t let Shepard pass to see the Urdont leader, stating that he was in a meeting. Shepard frowned, crossed his arms, and leaned to the side so he could look around the krogan to see what ‘meeting’ was currently going on.

“Wrex?!” He’s recognize that big, red krogan anywhere.

“Shepard!” The Urdont leader shoved the other krogan he was meeting with out of the way, heading toward the Commander.

“Good ‘nough?” Shepard asked as he pushed past the guard and met his old battlemate.

“It’s good to see you my friend!” Wrex exclaimed as he clasped his hand against Shepard’s. The two shook firmly. Warrior grips. Shepard had to flex his fingers afterward to work out the cramps.

“Damn, Wrex, looks like you’ve made it big.”

The krogan laughed. “And I heard that Normandy got blown to bits, and that you were dead. Knew the void couldn’t take you.”

Shepard shrugged his shoulders. “Yeah...I did get spaced.”

“Well, damn, Shepard.” Wrex shook his head. “I guess redundant nervous systems come in handy.”

“Yeah...humans don’t have those.”

“Huh. Must’ve really hurt.”

Shepard nodded, looking around at the compound. “But, hey, at least one of us came out on top. Clan leader? It’s good to have friends in high places.”

Wrex chuckled. “So, what do you need, Shepard?”

“My new, rampaging krogan here, Grunt, has a bit of a problem.” He pointed to so said rampaging krogan. “I was wondering if you could help him out.”

Wrex narrowed his eyes. “Hmm. Well, Shepard, I think you’re going to have fun.”

“Why?”

“Because this one needs the rite.”


	24. Step One: Shotguns. Step Two: Thresher Maws. Step Three: ???. Step Four: Profit (or Run).

Okay. Shepard understood the whole badass rite of passage thing, but really? The krogan race was slowly dying because of the genophage, and they were sending their young to fight...fucking...thresher maws. It had to be a joke. It had to be a goddamn joke. Ugh...Okay, okay. So he was enjoying this immensely, but still. There was some principle in that thought process that he’d forgotten by now.

Jack was at his side, laughing. “Shit, Shepard, this just got fun!”

Grunt had already ran off to do battle with the damn thing. His battle cry: “HEHHEHHEH!”

“We should’ve brought Lawson!” Shepard yelled down at Jack, leaning around cover to fire some bullets at the thresher maw. 

Jack sent a shockwave toward it, and then yelled back in a reply, “She’d just ruin it with her constant cheerleader bitching!”

“Yeah, but she’d make great bait!”

“I heard that,” Lawson chimed in over the comm link. Someone sounded angry.

The maw went under ground, came back up again, and blew away their cover, forcing them to move.

“Hey, Commander,” Garrus called in this time. “Got a second?”

“Bit busy, Vakarian,” Shepard growled in return.

“Yeah, but this might be worth it. I hear there’s a soft spot inside a thresher maw’s...well, maw. Roof of the mouth, leads straight to the brain. If I was there, I could probably take it out with one shot. But I’m not, so...Good luck.”

It was like a light bulb just flashed above Shepard’s head. He grinned as the probably idiotic and suicidal plan formulated in his mind. He looked down at Jack, quirking an eyebrow. “Can you keep a barrier up around us?”

“Yeah, yeah. What for?” She asked.

“To keep the acid from killing us,” he responded before leaning out of cover to yell at his other squadmate. “Grunt! Follow my lead!”

“THEN GET OVER HERE, SHEPARD!” The krogan roared back.

“Hey, Jack, remind me to get him a leash later.” Shepard shook his head. “Damn.”

“Why don’t you just get him one from your personal collection, Commander?” That was Joker’s voice over the comm.

Jack was snickering.

“Why the fuck are you guys listening to us still?” Shepard asked. Once again their cover was blown, and they had to move.

“We have a pool going on to see if you survive or not. It’s constructive, promise. I have money on you, Commander. Don’t let me down!”

“I hate you all,” he muttered. He turned his attention back to Jack. “All right. Keep a barrier up, let it down when I say let it down. Stay next to me, and this should go...Well, we’ll see. Ready to go?”

“Hell yeah!” She smirked at him.

“Then let’s move!”

Shepard jumped out of cover, shooting at the maw, chasing it so it went back underground. He waited until he felt the ground shake below his feet, Grunt and Jack at his side, and commanded them to fall back. The beast came busting through the ground, spitting acid down at them, but Jack had them covered with a barrier. And then Shepard was running straight under the thing as it came rushing down…

“Aim for the roof of the mouth!” Shepard screamed as he slid under its maw, Grunt rushing it with him.

They both opened fire, and Jack sent a biotic blast upwards. Blood and guts splattered everywhere as the thresher maw’s head was blown to bits…

The three crawled out from under the body, dripping with brain matter, saliva, blood, and an assortment of other disgusting bits of flesh. Grunt was cackling manically, and Jack was wiping her forehead off, muttering, “Fuck.” Shepard was just grinning like an idiot. Damn, did he want to do that again.

Back on the ship, Shepard demanded that Joker pay him half of his profits, and then lead Jack down into the elevator. Technically, to head to the showers. But Shepard had another plan. Another evil plan.

“Come on,” he said as they stepped onto the crew deck, heading straight to Lawson’s office. “I have I plan.”

“What the fuck Shepard?” Jack groaned. “I just want to get this shit off of me.”

“It’ll be worth it.”

He stepped into Lawson’s office. She wasn’t in the room at the moment, which was a relief, and walked straight to her bed. He grinned at Jack before flopping onto Lawson’s sheets, and rolling smelly thresher maw guts all over them.

“Really?” Jack asked, though he knew she was holding back a laugh.

Shepard just grinned back. “Yep. Now let’s get the fuck out of here before she comes back. Then we’ll blame it on Grunt.”


	25. Dark Places

A dead fucking Reaper. Jack was walking inside a dead fucking Reaper. It was dark, cold, and filled with goddamn husks. Around every corner, a new pack charged at them. Scions sent blasts at them from the back of the Horde. They couldn't even stop to catch their breath.

"I have an idea for a new horror vid," Shepard muttered after they had dealt with their current enemies.

"What is it? 'The Crap Commander Shepard Makes Us Do?'" Garrus asked, his mandibles flickering in amusement.

"Or 'The Shit Shepard Gets Dragged Into Doing'." He shook his head and continued on.

They were in hell, Jack new, and both of them were as tense as she fucking was. The joke cracking was what they did, and it was probably to keep them sane enough to get through the damned mission.

There were a thousand places Jack would rather be right now, and one of them was a burning pit of fire. She hated this place. This shit was real. This battle was fucking real. She hadn't really thought about it before...But she felt like she actually should be here on this mission, fighting against the Reapers. The monsters that made these hollow shells of people had to be blown to hell. That made her stay right where she was, fighting this damn war.

...Among other things.

Her eyes fell on Shepard's back. He was standing at point, taking the lead. Shit...He had a damn fire that made her want to follow him. That made her made her believe in him. And she knew, even in this shithole, that he had her back, and that she would walk out of it relatively unscathed.


	26. Enemies For Allies

First thing Shepard did after shedding off his armor was head to the comm room to discuss the giant paper weight's fate. Telling off Lawson had been fun, as usual, and to be honest...He was really, really curious about talking to the geth. At least hundreds of the things had tried to kill him. But this one...It watched his back in the dead Reaper. He wanted to know why. And, besides, life for a life. He owed the thing at least three.

What he had learned...Well, shit, he hadn't been expecting it. The machine-Legion-hadn't been with the geth he fought on Eden Prime. Those were obviously a splinter group. And it seemed more content with killing Reapers than trying to decimate the Quarians.

But Tali? Damn...He knew she wasn't going to take it well.

He was sitting at his desk with his feet kicked up, listening to a Nirvana album as he replaced Arabella's strings when he heard a knock on his door. He saw this coming. Well, at least it wasn't Lawson...

"Come in, T. Door's opened."

The Quarian stepped inside his cabin with her arms crossed. Behind the mask, he was sure there was a look of disapproval. "Look, Shepard, I trust you, you know that, but an active geth? On the ship? Have you lost your mind?"

"Never had it, according to some," Shepard replied as he set his feet down on the ground, carefully placing his guitar on the desk, before he turned around to face her.

"Shepard." That was the unamused voice. "Seriously."

He exhaled for an exaggerated amount of time, giving his head a shake. "I honestly don't know what you want me to say."

"An explanation would be a good start." She wasn't going to let this go.

He rubbed his jaw. "All right, all right. I had two options: give it to Cerberus, or activate it. Either it would be useful to us, or I'd get to shoot it to keep it out of Cerberus's hands...Besides, I couldn't just throw it out the airlock."

"And why is that?" Tali asked. "We have an airlock. You have very capable throwing abilities."

"Because it...It had my back, T." He sighed and rubbed a few fingers into his temples. "Back on the Reaper, it sniped husks for us. It had a chance to kill us, and it didn't take it..." He paused. "I owe it. And it wants to fight Reapers. We're walking into a damned suicide mission. Don't you think we need all the help we can get?"

She was silent for a few moments, resting her head against her hand. She shook it after a while with a sigh. "I trust you, Shepard, I really do. I just hope you know what you're doing."

"Yeah, so do I..." He muttered.

"Yeah...I'll leave you be." She turned to walk out of his cabin.

She was almost out the door when he called out, "Hey, T. If Legion tries to harm anyone on my ship, I'll put a damned bullet in its flashlight head. If anything tries to harm anyone on my ship, I'll put a damn bullet in it. I've got your six."

"I know, Shepard," she responded before leaving him be.


	27. One Last Night

"Installation of the Reaper IFF is going to take at least a few more hours, Commander," EDI informed Shepard. "I suggest you take the shuttle on your next mission."

The Commander was leaning on the railing over the galaxy map, staring at the small dot where he knew the Omega Four Relay was. He could feel it in the back of his mind, the shadowy thought he always blocked out, but that always came before missions like these. And they were so close. "I don't think we have anything left to do...The crew's taken care of, yeah?"

"Correct, Commander," Kelly said. "No one has made any requests. Everyone is ready to follow your orders."

He clicked his tongue to the roof of his mouth. "All right. Well, keep us posted over the comm, EDI. I'm rounding up everyone and taking them to Afterlife. Buy them a few drinks before we launch."

"Understood," EDI responded.

Shepard rubbed his jaw before heading into the elevator. "Tell everyone to meet me in the shuttle."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"There's a room filled with strippers and booze, and you're sitting on your damn ass in the corner?"

Shepard looked up to see Jack standing at his lonesome table with her arms crossed. The convict fell into a seat next to him, sliding a drink across the table. "Whiskey, right?"

Shepard chuckled once, taking a sip out of the cup. "I'm practicing my lone wolf persona." He raised the glass. "Thanks."

"What shit is on your mind?" She asked, leaning back in the chair.

His eyes automatically fell on his crew...Garrus was chaperoning Grunt around an asari dancer. A weak grin spread across his lips. He found Tali in the crowd, actually dancing with Legion, and Mordin was examining a glass at the bar with his omnitool. Thane and Samara had bunked up in a private room to meditate. Miranda was constantly glaring in a corner. Zaeed was talking shit to someone, about to start a fight...And he hadn't seen Kasumi. Which was probably a bad thing.

"We could all be dead soon," he replied softly, shaking his head. "And these people...Haven't had a family for a long time. My crew is the closest damn thing."

Jack looked over at him for a second with those damned brown eyes. Every time his met hers, he swear something stopped in his heart. "Maverick. Drink." She scooted closer to him, shoving his drink closer.

She used his name...Well, nickname, technically, but to him, it was his real name. More important, more identifying, than his birth name. He couldn't help but grin, pick up the glass, and chug it down. "Yes, ma'am."

She grabbed his jacket after he set the cup down, dragging him onto his feet. "And now, you're going to fucking dance."

He resisted as she began dragging him. "Nononono...The gods gifted me with many talents, but, uh...Dancing is definitely not one of them."

She had gotten him onto the floor, grinning up at him. "Shut the fuck up, Boy Scout, and dance!"

Her body started moving to the deep bass music, swaying and swerving. Damn...It was sexy. And...Hell, he had to join her with his...All right. He had named it the Shepard Shuffle in his mind.

She laughed at his sorry attempt to dance. "Shit, Shepard, you weren't lying."

"I can play the guitar, have an awesome voice, can take anyone in a fight, and nail a target the size of a pinpoint from kilometers away. I make up for it, all right?!"

She kept on laughing, forcing him to lower his hands. "Here." She turned around, pressing her body up against his. She lead his hands down to her hips. "Now...just move with the beat."

He did as she told him, head close to her neck, and bodies pressing against each other. The world stopped. Thoughts stopped. Just him and Jack were there. Only them.

He wished that this night could last forever.


	28. Launch

The message came like a deafening, blinding sound ringing in Shepard's ears. His mouth was dry, jaw clenched, and shoulders tight. He had a hollow hole in his chest, and it felt as if his gut had a knife stabbed into it and twisted. Repeatedly.

While he was off the Normandy had been attacked. His crew had been abducted. When he was off having a fucking party on Omega.

Shit...

"You couldn't have done anything else?" Lawson was railing on Joker, throwing around accusations. She was angry. Damn, Shepard was angry too, but...

"Joker was able to help me take back the ship," EDI explained.

"And you unshackled an AI," Lawson kept going. "Do you know how dangerous that was? What were you thinking?"

"Hey. Lawson." Shepard straightened his back, staring right into the Cerberus operative's eyes, just daring her to challenge him. "Back the fuck off. He saved the damn ship. And if EDI wanted us dead? She'd have done it by now. She does have access to our life support systems. And the airlocks...obviously."

"Yeah, EDI's all right," Joker commented. "And I wasn't losing the Normandy again."

"The Commander is correct," EDI replied. "I have no wish to harm anyone on the Normandy. You are my crew. And I will do everything in my capabilities to keep you alive."

Lawson's eyes didn't leave Shepard's. She was glaring. If looks could kill. "And you were off with everyone who could have stopped it in some bar. Great call, -Commander-."

He felt his eyebrow twitched in agitation. He had to clench his jaw. His fingers were twitching.

"Hey," Joker butted in, "If the Commander was here, he would've just got taken as well. There wasn't time to get armed. Shit just happened. We would've been more screwed than we are now."

Lawson held the state for a moment more before backing off with a sigh. "We need to figure out our next move."

Shepard crossed his arms, looking over at EDI's hologram in the middle of the conference table. "How's progress with the Reaper IFF?"

"Installed and integrated with our systems, Commander. We're ready to launch."

Shepard nodded. "Then that's what we're going to do. Take us to the Omega Four Relay. We're going to get our crew back. And the fucking Collectors are about to learn what happens when you piss me off."

He found himself heading to the elevator, and then going down to the engineering deck. One last thing to take care of before he faced his own mortality. Again.

His feet knew where to go, and soon he was standing in front of Jack.

She looked up at him. Her brown eyes were softer. "Hey...I know how hard you're probably taking this shit...Sorry."

"We'll get them back." He took a seat next to her on the cot, rubbing his jaw. "Look. This could be my last chance to say this...I care about you, Jack. And I know there's something here, and I know you said you needed time...But we're running out of it. These last hours? I want to spend them with you."

She didn't respond. Only looked at the ground. Away from him.

He kept his eyes on her for a long while before placing his hand on hers for a moment. "I'll be in my cabin if you change your mind."

He stood slowly, walking to the stairs. He paused to look back at her. She was still staring at the floor. And then he was gone.


	29. I Wanna Be Yours

Two hours 'til they passed through the Omega 4 relay. Two hours 'til they could all be dead, and the one fucking thing Jack couldn't get out of her head was Maverick Shepard. The scary thing was that she didn't really mind.

Fucking Shepard in her fucking mind. He had the sexiest smirk she'd ever seen. And those damn emerald eyes...Fuck, it was hard to get them out of her head. When he looked at her, she felt...Shit, she had no idea what she felt. And he knew what she knew; she could talk to him, tell him things, everything, and he understood.

Two hours to live. One last chance. She wasn't going to waste it.

Jack stormed up the engineering deck, shoving past Tali as she headed to the elevator. She could hear the Quarian chuckling, though she didn't give a damn. The convict hit the button before she could change her mind.

It arrived on the first deck quickly. Too quickly. Fuck. Jack didn't know how to do this. Jack didn't even know if she should fucking do this. She paced back and forth, and was about to retreat, but she heard music coming from his room.

She walked closer...He was playing his guitar, singing.

"Secrets I have held in my heart are harder to hide than I thought. Maybe I just wanna be yours. I wanna be yours. I wanna be yours. Wanna be yours..."

Fuck it...She actually could feel tears building up in her eyes. She wanted this. She wanted this so fucking bad...She needed this. She wanted to be his...She placed her hand on the door, it opened, and she went through.

He was laying on his bed, guitar on his stomach. His record player was playing the same song he was singing in the background, I Wanna Be Yours by the Arctic Monkeys. He looked as if he had been waiting for her.

He gave her that trademarked smirk of his. "Wanna be yours...Wanna be yours..."

He strummed one last chord before standing up, leaning 'Arabella' against his nightstand. He walked over to his desk, his feet actually hitting the ground in time with the beat.

"Shepard." Jack spoke quietly as she went to meet him.

He pulled the needle off the record, and the room went silent. A second later he was looking at her with those damn eyes, smirking like a shit-eater. "I wasn't expecting you, Jack."

She dropped her eyes, looking at the ground. "I...was just thinking about you...You were right. I need someone. I need..." She had to shut up before her voice broke on that last word. She turned her head away from him. It was gone, all of her defenses, and she felt so vulnerable.

"Hey..." She could feel those eyes on her. His voice was soft, gentle. "You were the one who didn't want this. The one who walked away."

"I know. Maybe that wasn't right...But I'm trying..." Shit, she was scared.

"I didn't mean...I've been waiting all along, Jack. For you. I want this..." He cupped her cheek, turning her head so her eyes meet his. The first tear fell. "I want you...It's all right, Jack. No more questions."

He pulled her against him, and she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, burying her face into his neck. He lead her back to the bed, gently pushing her against the sheets. Their hands intertwined. His lips pressed against her neck, against her cheek, against her lower lip.

She'd been with a lot of people before, but she never felt this close to someone.

Her hands tugged at his shirt, and once it was on the ground, explored his chest. His scars. Her fingers traced the one on his collarbone that ran up his neck. The ones on his face from his cybernetics, the older ones.

From the way he gazed at her, so open and vulnerable, it had be the same for him. Or, at least, been a while that he had felt this.

"You want this?" He asked softly, as if just to make sure.

She cupped his face, bringing his lips down to meet her own so she could respond in the best way she knew how.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jack laid on his chest, enjoying what time she had left to just stay with him until it was time to descend into hell. She traced the tattoos on his body, wondering about his past, about their future, where this went.

"I've told you about mine," she said, lifting her head to look into his eyes.

"Some of yours." He replied, tracing one of her own down her neck with his thumb.

"Tell me about some of yours." She rested her head on his collarbone, running her fingers over the arrow shaped tattoo on the side of his neck.

"Hmm...Fair enough." He placed his hand on hers, connecting their fingers. "Norse rune for warrior...That's what I've been all my life."

She kissed his neck, followed the scar down to his collarbone, and rested her palm against the N7 on the right side of his chest. "I suppose this is a mark of pride thing?"

He laughed softly. "You could say that...Joining the Alliance was really the first thing I ever did right in my life. When I earned the N7...I just felt...Well, I guess that was the first thing I had ever done that I was proud of."

Jack smirked. "Such a Boy Scout."

“Not always.”

She kissed his lips for a moment, and then the number ten on his left shoulder with an ‘R’ in the zero. “Tenth Streets Reds?”

“Hm-mhm.”

She rolled onto her back against his chest, pulling his right arm tighter around her. “And the snake?” She asked, tracing the serpent around his forearm.

“Jormungand,” He replied. “The serpent in Norse mythology that constricted around the roots of the World Tree. Its eating its own tail, an ouroboros, symbolizing rebirth.”

“You seem to have a thing for Viking mythology.” She leaned back up so she could look into his eyes again.

He ran a hand up her back, smiling slightly. “You could say that.” He leaned up as well, placing his forehead against hers. Their lips were tantalizingly close, about to meet.

“Commander.” The moment was shattered when Joker called in over the comm. “We’re a few minutes out from the relay. Want to get your ass up here?”

Shepard groaned. “I’ll be right there.”

“Hey, Maverick.” Jack placed her hand on the back of his head, keeping him close.

He looked back up at her. “Hey, Jack.”

“Stay the fuck alive, all right?”

“We’re make it through this. All of us. I promise.” 

They shared that kiss that Joker interrupted, walls down. One last moment before it was time to go to work. Then they both got of bed and got dressed, in battle mode. It was a quick change.

They rode the elevator in silence. Jack watched him, running her tongue over her teeth, biting her lower lip. She wanted to say what was on her mind, but she was so fucking scared to. And then he had to go into the armory to suit up, and she knew it was too late. 

She just hope she’d have time to say it after all this.


	30. Through the Gates of Hell

Shit, that was a rough ride. Jack had been thrown around the ship, like most of everyone else, as the Normandy flew through the field of debris, and battled the Collector ship. Fighting the metal ball fucker in the cargo bay had also been hell. She had to try to keep her footing while trying to blow the damn thing up. And then came the crash landing. Fuck.

Now, she was standing in the briefing room with everyone else. There was talk about this being a one way trip. She thought fuck that. She found someone, fucking found someone she trusted, and she wasn't going to let those bug fuckers ruin it.

Shepard walked to the front of the table, leaning his hands against it. He looked at Jack in the eyes; she couldn't really read his expression behind his warrior's mask. He nodded to her, and then turned his attention to the rest of the room.

"EDI. Give me a rundown of what we're up against." The Commander eyed the hologram of the base that shot up a moment later in the center of the table.

"The weak spot is mostly likely located in the main control center of the station." The area was highlighted on the hologram. "It can be accessed through these two points."

"We need a way in," Miranda interrupted. "These doors are tightly locked. We need someone in there to hack through the security to open the doors."

Jack watched Shepard rub the stubble on his jaw as he stared at the holo. His stubble was becoming less stubble, though, and more of a full blown beard. Not that Jack minded. She liked the rough, rugged, renegade look.

"The ventilation system." Shepard pointed his finger at the holo. "There. We'll send in someone with tech expertise. Cover their backs on the ground as they get the doors opened. And we'll have another diversion team on the other side to keep the Collectors busy."

"Who are you sending in the vents?" The Cerberus cheerleader asked, butting in to make herself fucking important. "I can lead the diversion team."

"Wait, cheerleader," Jack protested. "No one wants to take orders from you."

"I have the exper-"

"Lawson. Jack." Shepard stared them both down, playing Commander-in-charge with a stick up his ass. "Garrus will lead the diversion squad. He has the experience, and he's done one of these suicide runs with me before."

The turian nodded. His mandibles flickered into a small grin. "Why don't we ever go anywhere nice, Commander?"

"Because it would be boring," Shepard replied with a small smirk, though it quickly left his face. "As for the tech specialist...Kasumi. You've crawled in tight spaces before and you have the tech expertise. Go in the vents, and we'll watch your back...Besides, by your height, you’re the best fit."

"Funny, Shep,” the thief responded with a small grin. “I won’t let you down.”

Shepard nodded firmly, straightening up his back as he crossed his arms over his chest. "All right, team. You know what we're dealing with, but they don't know who they're screwing with. They took our crew. Our friends. And we're going to fucking blow them to hell for it."

"Hell yeah!" Jack smirked at Shepard. The rest of the crew responded in their own similar fashions.

Shepard pounded a fist into his other palm. "Let's kick ass!"


	31. No One Left Behind

Running out of time. Shepard was running out of time, he knew. Damn Collectors and their damn venting systems.

"Shep, it's getting hot in here," Kasumi called in over the comm.

"Just hold tight, Kasumi," Shepard answered. "I've got you."

He meant that statement, even if he was bunkered down under enemy fire. He was going to get to that vent valve before time ran out. He was going to protect Kasumi. He was going to kill every bug fucker that got in his way. These points weren't debatable. They were fact.

Jack and Grunt were hunched down next to him, both returning fire when they dared to lean out of cover. Plan. He needed a plan. Quick. Well, there was always one, and it hadn't failed him yet.

"All right, this is what we're going to do." He looked between Grunt and Jack. "Just keep firing. Hit them with everything you got. Jack, clear a path for me when we break. And then keep them off of me. We're fucking blowing through them to that valve."

"Ready." Grunt cocked his shotgun. "Heh. Heh. Heh."

"What the hell are we waiting for?" That was Jack's reply.

Shepard popped the thermal clip on his rifle. "Break!"

Immediately, he jumped over the barricade as Jack sent a biotic shockwave to knock down the Collectors in front of him. He shot and ran, shot and ran. His squad was right behind him, covering his six with fire to keep the giant insects off of him. His shields broke right when he got to the valve. He threw his rifle down as he turned it quickly. Only after he saw Kasumi crawl to safety did he dunk down behind cover.

"I'm in!"

"Try to hurry. These damn things keep shooting me in the ass!" Shepard popped back up as soon as his shields recharged, backing up against the door with Jack and Grunt. Finally, the thing opened, and they met up inside with Garrus's team.

"Get the damn door shut!" Shepard growled through gritted teeth. He was acting as a human shield, standing in front of the thief to make sure she didn't get hit, and raining hell down on their enemies with his rifle.

"I'm working on it!" It was a few more seconds before Kasumi succeeded with her hacking and the door slammed shut.

There was only a moment of relief. Jack walked to Shepard's side. Neither of them spoke. Shepard just wiped blood from her cheek from where a bullet had grazed her while her barrier was down. That said enough for him. The look with those brown eyes she gave him said enough for her. And then they were on the move again.

They found themselves in a large corridor with a circular ceiling lined with...thousands and thousands of pods like they had seen before. Shepard walked forward to a wall that was also lined with these pods, and narrowed his eyes to peer at what was inside...Fuck, a colonist. Had to be. It wasn't one of his crew.

He ran forward to slam into the pod, pounding his fists into it. Shit, it didn't work. The girl opened her eyes, it looked as if she was screaming, and she pounded against the glass. Nothing mattered though, because soon the poor girl had been...had been fucking processed. He was too late to save her.

But his crew. His fucking crew filled the other pods! "Get these damn things opened!" He started slamming the butt of his rifle into the glass of one, Grunt actually head-butted another to break it open, Jack used her biotics to power up her fist to slam into a pod, Zaeed just used his bare fist to break open one, and everyone else was doing all they could, freeing the crew with pure, brute force.

Shepard drug Chakwas out of her tube, kneeling down next to her as she coughed up gooey shit from her imprisonment. "Doctor! Are you all right? Please fucking tell me you're all right."

She placed her hands on his knee, using it as support to lift herself up. "You came for us...I knew you'd come for us. I knew, Commander."

He helped her stand up, smiling. "Doctor, I never leave my crew behind. Never."

"I know, Commander," she responded.

Shepard made sure she could stand on her own before checking on the others. They were shaken, but they had made it. His crew had made it. That's all he really wanted. Now just to get them all out of here alive...That was easier said than done, but he was going to fucking do it. There was no doubt. There was never any doubt when it came to his crew.

But what the hell was all this for?

The doctor walked up to him to answer that question. "Commander...I believe the Collectors are harvesting humans for their genetic material. It's sent somewhere through those tubes...I have no idea where it leads."

"Me neither," Shepard grumbled. "But we have to follow those tubes. They'll lead us to where we have to go."

"Fucking creepy," Jack mumbled under her breath.

"Agreed." Shepard shook his head. "But we'll make damn sure to put an end to this."

"Commander," EDI came in over the comm. "The only passage that leads to the chamber that the tubes follow to is filled with Seeker Swarms."

"Too many for Mordin's repellent?" Shepard asked.

"That is correct, Shepard."

"Makes sense," Mordin chimed in. "Too much concentration. Repellent designed for small, spread out quantities. Not meant for large numbers."

"Shit," Shepard cursed. "Anyone got any ideas?"

"Biotic barrier," Lawson immediately added. "One could be used as a shield against the swarms. I volunteer, but in theory any biotic could do it."

"In theory," Shepard repeated. He stood back, looking among his team as he rubbed his jaw. Really, the only reason he was thinking about this choice was because he didn't want to put her in harm's way. But she was fucking tough, and he would be there watching her six. There was no one else's hands he would rather put his life in.

"Jack." Shepard met her eyes, grinned, and gave her a firm nodded. "You're the strongest biotic here. You're on it."

"Took you that fucking long to reach that conclusion?" She grinned back at him, taking a place by his side. He knew what she was saying without saying it: 'I won't fucking let you down.'

"One more thing, Shepard," EDI called in again. "Only a small squad can go through the passage, but I found another path that can be used to create a diversion."

"Good," Shepard responded. His eyes immediately fell on Garrus. "You've got the command on that front again, Vakarian."

"I figured." The turian checked his rifle. "You're such a slave driver, never allowing breaks."

Shepard smirked at him. Only one thing left to take care of. His crew couldn't fight. Someone needed to lead them to safety.

"T," Shepard stated. "I need you to take the crew back to the ship. Should be a clear path. They can't fight."

He thought Tali would just got along with it, but she seemed perplexed. "What? Shepard, I'm not leaving you. I'm following you into this fight."

"T." Shepard shook his head. "This is where I need you, all right? We don't have time to argue."

Tali sighed in frustration before nodding. "Understood, Commander. But you better make it out of this alive, bosh'tet."

"I intend to."

Tali gathered up the crew, leading them out the way they had came. That left the two teams behind to do their thing, heading once more into the jaws of the beast.


	32. Someone To Fight For

Jack never expected to be here. It was all so fucking weird and new to her. She had this fire burning through her veins. She had a reason to fight, to kill, to live. The two hours before they arrived in this hell hole weren't enough. Words weren't enough. She was going to be with Shepard after this. Fuck the Collectors. She was going to kill every single one of them, definitely Harbinger, because Shepard was hers, and his body was definitely hers.

She drew upon all her energy, all her power and her rage to create the biotic barrier that she held up in her hands around herself, Shepard, Zaeed, and the Cheerleader Bitch. They made slow progress, but they were making it through the passage, taking down any bug fucker in their way.

Usually, she'd be fucking upset to rely on someone else to give her cover in a battle, to not be able to defend herself. But she knew that Shepard had her back and her front. She knew he was there. He was actually fucking dancing around her; front and back, shooting this, shooting that, but always being the shield between her and fire. No wonder he got fucking shot all the damn time.

A huge wave from hell hit them hard about halfway through. Shepard got Jack down in cover, yelling for her to keep her head down as he went to have fun with all the shooting.

"Try to keep your fucking head down," Jack yelled back, "so you don't get shot again!"

It was heavy fire, but they were getting the damn job done. That was until Cheerleader took a damn hit and fell out of the barrier. Jack cursed, and let out another one as she saw Shepard not waste a moment to dive outside.

"Commander!" Jack called after him. "Fuck!" She couldn't fucking believe he was laying his life down for her. If he survived this...

The bugs hit him immediately. He was swarmed, yet he grabbed the Cheerleader and threw her inside the barrier before rolling back inside himself. Zaeed gave them covering fire as they got back to their feet.

"Shepard!" Jack yelled at him again. He had better fucking answer.

"I'm okay," he called back, before ducking down behind cover beside Miranda. "Lawson?"

"I-..." The cheerleader sounded as if she was lost for words. Yes, he did just save your ass, and no, you didn't deserve it. "I'm all right, Commander. Ready to move."

"Then let's get the goddamned hell out of here," Zaeed snarled, shooting down a few more Collectors.

"Let's move!" Shepard charged out straight into enemy lines, as far as the barrier would allow, pressing the offensive. The rest of the squad followed, and as soon as the coast was clear, Jack went on the move again.

They were getting to the end now, and Jack was struggling to hold this damn thing up. She felt fucking drained. Yet she couldn't let Shepard down. She couldn't let Shepard fucking die. Not when this just had really begun.

"Jack." She heard his voice right beside her. "You can do this. I know you can do this. You know you can do this. Just push through. We're almost to the end. Just push through."

"I fucking know!" Jack pushed forward, fighting off the lag and tiredness that was weighing her down. She fought with each step, picking up the pace as they neared the door down below. Their destination.

Over the radio, Garrus called in, "Shepard, we're under heavy fire. Can't hold out for much longer. We need that door opened."

They crossed over the threshold. Jack's heart was pounding. Her energy was draining. They were so damn close. So fucking close...

"Go! Go!" Shepard waved the squad down. "Lawson! Get that fucking door open!"

"On it," the cheerleader responded, running to the door to hack it. The former merc warlord took a stand next to Shepard, firing down upon approaching Collectors.

"I can't hold this for much longer!" Jack screamed.

"Lawson!" The Commander took a second to glance behind him, and in that moment his face got hit with a bullet. He fell.

The door opened. The two teams met together. Fire echoed through the room.

"Shepard!" Jack felt a new rush of power in her veins. She shot out all the biotic force she could, blowing the damn bug fuckers away. She could hear her own heartbeat in her ears as adrenaline filled her bloodstream. A moment later she was at Shepard's side, helping him onto his feet, and dragging him onto the other side.

"Cheerleader! Get that damn door closed!" Jack snarled, putting Shepard's arm around her shoulders. Was he bleeding? No fucking time to worry. She pulled her pistol from her side, opening fire on the enemy.

"Just one more-" The cheerleader pounded on a few more keys and the door slammed shut. "There."

Jack dropped her gun on the ground. Her hand went up to the side of Shepard's face, feeling the blood dripping down, running over her fingers. "Ace? Fuck, are you okay? You better be fucking okay, goddamnit, I swear!"

He stood up on his own, raising a hand to cover the wound. He coughed a few times. Shook his head. "I'll...I'll be okay. My shields took...took a lot of the hit. Graze. Just a...a graze."

"Never fucking do that again," Jack snarled as she grabbed the collar of his armor, jerking him down into a kiss. She didn't care how fucking awkward it must've been for the rest of the crew.

When she pulled away, Shepard placed his usual smirk on his lips. "Still got a way to go, Jack, but I'll try."

He went back to Commander-mode, turning to face the rest of his crew. "Anyone else hurt?"

"Took a hit," Garrus said. "But it's less ugly than yours. Slapped on some medigel. I'll make it to the end of this fight. But, Commander, you might want to do the same."

"Shit, yeah," Shepard grumbled as he rubbed some on his fingers before placing it over his wound. "Hate this shit. Never comes out of my fucking hair."

"You get hit in the head a lot, Commander?" The cheerleader asked. "That explains a lot."

“Shut up.” That was the magnificent Shepard’s great comeback. Though, Jack did snicker when he added, “Whore.”

The cheerleader raised an eyebrow at him, but he didn’t seem to care. Instead, he turned to face their destination, looking determined and ready to raise hell. “All right, crew. Let’s fucking finish this fight.”


	33. Someone I'd Die For

The walk had been fucking hell for Jack, keeping that damn barrier up, but the last fight was worse. They spent the whole time hunkered down, covering Shepard’s sorry ass from endless swarms of those bug fuckers and their fat-ass husk hordes as he lined up shots to destroy the tubes of a giant...fucking...human Reaper baby. Could this day getting any fucking weird or worse?

Shepard was activating the bomb. Jack was actually really fucking surprised the Cheerleader was letting him touch the bomb. So far, the great Commander Shepard hadn’t made a great track record with bombs.

Then the Illusive Man called in, and the Cheerleader activated a hologram of him on her omnitool. “Shepard. Don’t activate that explosive. Leave the facility intact. Cerberus could use its technology, its resources. Thinks of the advances we could make.”

The Commander barely even turned his head, continuing on rigging up the device of massive destruction. “Are you fucking insane? I’m blowing this place to hell.”

Yeah, was he fucking insane? Cerberus couldn’t have this place. Cerberus couldn’t have this kind of fucking power.

“Shepard-”

The Commander didn’t even let him finish. “Shut it, Illusive Bastard. Nothing you say will change my mind. You wanted to bring back the real, legit Commander Shepard, exactly how he was when he destroyed Sovereign. Well, you did, and here he is. Be careful what you wish for.”

Jack couldn’t help but smirk.

“Miranda, stop him.” The Illusive Man’s eyes fell on the Cheerleader. “That’s an order.”

Jack tensed. Put her hand on her pistol. Watched the Cheerleader like a damn hawk.

“Consider this my resignation.” Lawson ended the transmission before the Illusive Man could say another word.

Jack could never respect the Cheerleader, but...Damn. She gave the bitch props for that one. And she didn’t have to shoot her...Which actually disappointed Jack.

Shepard stood once he was done setting up the bomb, immediately calling in Joker. “We’re ready for pick-”

The whole fucking platform shook. There was a...What the hell was that? A screech? A howl? Whatever the fuck it was, it did not sound good. Shepard ended up on his knees. The Cheerleader was grounded. Jack couldn’t keep her damn footing. She turned her head to see...Fuck, to see the baby reaper climb upon the platform, crashing its arms down and howling.

“Fuck!” Jack yelled.

“Shit!” Shepard growled.

They barely had enough time to scramble into cover before the thing sent its first beam towards them. Jack could feel the heat from the blast flying over her head. The fucking day just had to get weirder and worse, didn’t it? Didn’t it?

“How do we bring that damn thing down?” Shepard snarled through gritted teeth. Jack was wondering the same thing.

Lawson pressed a few fingers into her forehead. “Hold on.” Another laser shook their cover. After it was gone, Miranda leaned out of cover.

“What the fuck are you doing, Lawson?!” Shepard reached a hand out to grab her arm, jerking her back down. Just in fucking time too. The thing had sent one more blast to try to ruin their day. As if it hadn’t already.

Jack could hear more platforms flying in. That meant more bug fuckers. Shit. She could hear the fucking clock of her life clicking down.

“There’s a weak spot,” Miranda explained. “In the eye. Hit it exactly in the center, and it should come down.”

Shepard shook his head, pulling his Widow off of his back and placing it in between his legs. He checked the thermal click. Cursed. “I have one shot left, Lawson. Could one fucking shot bring it down?”

“You claimed you were the best shot in the galaxy, Commander. Now’s the time to prove it. Or was Garrus right?” Lawson raised an eyebrow challengingly. Smart bitch.

“Shit.” Shepard grumbled under his breath as he pulled the heat sink out of his weapon, holding it out towards Jack. He grinned. “Kiss it for good luck?”

She stared at him in disbelief. “...Really? Fucking really?”

“Oh, and mod it with your biotics as well. This shot has to count.”

She grabbed the bullet out of his hands, imbuing it with all the biotic strength she could muster, and then threw it back at him. “Then make it count, boy scout.”

He had that sad, puppy dog look in his eyes. He tilted his head to the side, his expression alone asking, “Is that all?” Manipulativelittlesonofabitchbastard.

She grabbed the back of his head, pulling him in into a quick, hot kiss. Well, it was supposed to be quick, but turned into a short make-out session. While they probably had moments left to live as the Collectors were surrounding them. While they were right beside the Cheerleader. Jack didn’t give a fuck, though.

Finally, she pulled away, running her thumb across his lips which had formed his trademarked smirk. “For good luck.”

Shepard popped the thermal clip back into his weapon. Cocked it. “Keep them off of me. And when that shot fires, get the hell out of here. Don’t look back.”

Jack didn’t have time to respond. Shepard jumped out of cover, pushing his rifle against his shoulder and lining up the sights. Jack and Miranda covered his flank, giving the bug fuckers hell just to give him time. The reaper was loading up another shot. A few more seconds and they could all be dead,

“Get down!” Shepard yelled, and Jack barely had time to follow the order.

A shot went off. The blast slammed right into Shepard. He was thrown back against the cover. The reaper moaned, fell forward. It hit the central platform, and they were all sent down. This was fucking it. It was over. They were all dead. She was dead. Shepard was dead.

She rolled down the platform, toward the endless pit. Everything was spinning. She was going to die...But she was grabbed right when she was about to fall over. She looked up. Shepard had her hand. Was dragging her up. “You’re...Alive.”

“The kiss did it,” Shepard said with a forced grin. She could tell he was in pain, though. Part of his armor had been completely blown off. He looked rough. So fucking rough…

She didn’t have anymore time to think about it. Another piece of debris hit the platform they were standing on, and once again they were sent down into the darkness. She hit the ground hard. Then nothing.

"JACK!" Her eyes shot open. She saw Shepard pull the piece of metal off of her and toss it aside. She felt him pick her, help her stand. "Jack! Are you all right?"

"I'm fine," she coughed, pulling away from him to stand on her own.

He looked her up and down before nodding, rushing to help the Cheerleader up. Jack wandered off to the side, resting her hands on her knees as she caught her breath, built up her strength. Fuck. That was a tough fight. She heard Shepard call the Normandy.

And then something caught her eye. In the distance, another fucking platform was flying in... "Shepard!"

His head shot up. His eyes followed hers, and he snarled, "Shit! We've got to move! Go, go, go!"

The three started running. Lawson was in the lead and Shepard took the rear, providing covering fire to slow their chasers down. Jack refused to get too ahead of him though. She wasn't leaving him. She wasn't ever fucking leaving him.

They ran up a slope, and Jack could see the Normandy flying in. Joker had opened the airlock, standing on its edge with an assault rifle to shoot down the Collectors. Shepard stopped in his tracks, whipping around to cover them with fire. 

Lawson made the first jump. Jack went next. Her boots clanged against the metal landing. Shepard turned around, started to run. He slipped as he jumped.

Jack's heart caught in her throat. He started falling. She rushed to the edge, didn't even think, and caught him with a biotic hold. She pulled him up quickly, throwing him inside the ship. Joker scrambled out of the way as Shepard hit the ground, probably to avoid having every bone in his body broken. The Commander was practically a human brick in his armor. 

Jack rushed to his side as he struggled to sit up, breathing heavily. She cupped his blood-covered, cut, and bruised face, looking him straight in the eyes as she said, “We’re even.”


	34. I'm Getting A Lot Of Bullshit On This Line

Burnt, bruised, bleeding, and practically high on medigel, Commander Shepard still limped into the briefing room like a badass to call the Illusive Man. He even stood up straight and crossed his arms, just to show that he wasn't fucking done just yet.

The Illusive Man was waiting in his chair, smoking as usual. And, oh, how he looked so not amused. "You've ended up costing me more than you're worth, Shepard."

"A lot of people say that," Shepard replied with a smirk. "Don't let it get you down."

"This isn't amusing." The Illusive Man narrowed his eyes, taking a long drag off of his cigarette. "Your brash, short-sighted, and narrow-minded actions have cost humanity a wealth of knowledge. Not only could we have used that base to destroy the Reapers, but also to advance humanity."

Shepard acted like he was getting static over the comm, tapping his visor and shaking his head. "I'm sorry, but I'm getting a lot of bullshit on this line." He sneered. "I've cost Cerberus a lot, not humanity, and I'm actually really proud of that."

"You should remember why you're alive today." The bastard said that like a threat. "Cerberus brought you back. You're all too eager to forget that fact."

Shepard shrugged his shoulders. "Yeah, well, I quit." He started to walk away, but stopped, turning around quickly. "Two things. One, as if it wasn't obvious, the ship is mine now. Thanks. Two, fuck you."

With that, he stormed out of the room, ordering Joker to end the comm. The crew was waiting out in the CIC. His crew. Everyone was looking expectantly at him, waiting for his direction. His leadership.

Joker saluted as he walked up to him, asking, "What now, Commander?"


	35. Things That Don’t Need to be Said; Things I’ve Should’ve Said Anyway

“What now, Commander?”

Well, the Commander’s first order had been to celebrate with a party. Booze. Loud music. Poker. General mayhem and mischief. Tali and Garrus jumped on board first, and the idea had spread quickly like a wild fire.

It was Shepard's fucking party, but the damn doctor was keeping him under arrest in the med bay. It was torture knowing that behind the closed blinds everyone was getting drunk and singing off-tune while he had to sit on his ass, having Chakwas hook him up to IVs and machines. This was the reward he got for saving the galaxy twice? Well, at least she had the decency to close the blinds so he would've have to watch it.

Because, obviously, a couple shots and almost being burnt alive meant Chakwas had the authority to override his authority as Commander of his ship.

"And I've already went through your room, Commander," Chakwas was saying. He'd tuned out the first half of what she had been telling him. "No alcohol with the medication I have you on. And don't even try to con the crew into getting you any."

He looked at her with such disdain. "Yes, mother."

"Commander, don't give me that look." She checked his bandages and IVs one last time before forcing him to lay back against the bed. "If you would stop acting reckless on the battlefield, you wouldn't be here."

"The galaxy wouldn't be here as well," Shepard grumbled.

"Get some rest," the doctor ordered. "If you actually do that, you'll be back on your feet in no time."

The door opened, and Jack stepped into the room. Shepard's cloud of doom dispersed, and he couldn't help but grin. "Hey, Jack."

"Hey, Mav." She took a seat on the edge of his bed. "You look like shit."

"Take care, Commander." Chakwas exited the room, but not without giving him the so judgmental 'behave' look.

"Yeah, well..." Shepard chuckled, shrugging his shoulders. "I hear getting shot, burnt, and almost killed multiple times tends to do that to you."

She snickered, looking down at her feet. She had something on her mind, he could tell, but was avoiding bringing it up. "Is your name really Maverick?"

"Yep," he replied sarcastically. "My mom was a big fan of Top Gun. My brother's name is Goose."

"You're so full of shit." She was grinning. Oh, he knew she wouldn't be able to resist. "And you need to actually watch and listen to something from this damn century."

"Hey, somethings are just timeless." He grinned as he rubbed his jaw. "Hmm...Maverick...It came from when I was in the N7 program. I would actually yell back at our instructors. Argue the shit out of them. My fellow students started calling me that. It stuck. Hell, I even disobeyed orders on one of our N6 drops so I could bail out my squad."

"So does anyone know your real name?" She asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Nope. It's a secret." He raised a hand to grab his dog tags in an attempt to hide his real name. But he grasped only empty air. He glanced down at his chest, frowning. Oh. Yeah. Since he wasn't with the Alliance, he didn't have dog tags anymore.

"Got some problems?"

Shepard cleared his throat, looking back up at Jack. "I'm used to...uh...Nevermind." He rubbed the back of his neck. "Ace. My real first name is Ace, if you must know. Maverick sounds a lot better."

Jack grinned at him. "I fucking agree."

"So why Jack?" He asked.

She shrugged her shoulders. "It's better than jack shit."

He laughed once. "Better than nothing. I can respect that. And points for cleverness."

She laughed as well. But then she looked away, becoming silent for a few moments.

He waited patiently. "What's on your mind, Jack?"

"There's...something I wanted to say," she said finally. "I should've said it before...I just...Fuck."

"Hey." He sat up, placing his hand under her chin and pushing her head up so they were looking each other in the eyes. "I love you."

She smiled at him, grabbing the back of his head and jerking him down into a kiss.


	36. We Fight, We Survive, We Endure

Shepard placed his hands against the shower's wall, leaning forward under the spicket, and letting the water run down over his hung head and shoulders. He could feel the knots loosening in his muscles; his body relaxing from a long mission. It had been rough, seeing what Cerberus had done to David Archer....

And Jack had taken it badly. She didn't even say a word to him on the shuttle ride back. Once on the ship, she had disappeared, probably back down into her hole. She was pissed. Hell, Shepard didn't blame her. He was pissed. And he knew she needed some time before he checked in on her.

He shut off the shower, grabbed a towel from the closet, and dried off before getting dressed. A few minutes later, he descended into the Engineering sub-deck to find it empty. He couldn't help but smirk at the sight. It meant he was rubbing off on her.

He rode the elevator down a floor, and found Jack in the cargo bay, beating the hell out of a punching bag. She didn't even hear him approach, due to the heavy metal music blaring in the background.

He simply watched her for a few minutes, arms crossed, before he picked up a piece of paper and doodled a quick sketch on it. He then walked behind her, wrapped his arms under her shoulders, and lifted her up. "Hold on a sec."

"Fuck!" She cursed and kicked back against him. He almost got a mouthful of blue glowing-fist.

"I said hold on," Shepard insisted as he turned around and set her down. He faced the punching bag again, taped his sketch to it, and stepped out of the way so Jack could see and have at it. He had a grin plastered on his face. "Better?"

The biotic snorted and shook her head, turning away from him in a sorry attempt to hide her grin away. "Yeah. Better." She growled before sending a shockwave slamming straight into the face of Shepard's Illusive Man doodle. The bag...well, it ended up on the other side of the bay. "Though now I want to blow it the hell up."

"Yeah..." Shepard chuckled and shrugged his shoulders. "Lawson might just have a heart attack. We wouldn't want-Actually. Wait. Scratch that. Go ahead and do it."

Jack snickered as Shepard went behind her, wrapped his arms around her waist, and nuzzled into her neck. "Want to take a rest?"

"I don't want to talk about it," She snarled. At first, she had hesitated at the display of affection, but soon she settled back against him. This was still new, but he felt as if she was becoming more...He didn't know...comfortable? Comfortable with him, he guessed.

"Mhm-hmm," He mumbled. "You can use my shower. The hot water in that thing is killer."

"Yeah, I know why you really want me in your shower," she replied, leaning her head back to look up at him with a smirk.

"I mean...there's always that, and I love admiring your body." He smiled down at her, kissing her forehead. "But I'm here to serve. Whatever you want."

She sighed. "That...the shower...actually sounds pretty good. Let's go."

Shepard raised his arm to put around her shoulders, pulling her against him as he lead her into the elevator. "I am glad that you decided to take out your anger on the bag instead of the crew."

Jack snorted. "I might just take out my anger on you if you don't shut the fuck up." She elbowed his side.

His lips twitched into a smirk. "I might not mind that." A second later the doors opened and he stepped out onto his own deck, holding his arms outstretched. "Come on."

She followed him into his cabin. He fell down into his desk chair, twirling around to watch her walk to his bathroom door, and kicked his feet up onto part of the desk.

"What the hell are you doing?" She asked, giving him a look as she took off her boots.

"Watching the show," he replied with a shit-eating grin.

"Uh-huh." She threw a boot at him. He caught it before it collided with his face. "Perv."

"I'm just an admirer of art." He stood as she began to shed off her jumpsuit, walking up to help shimmy it down her waist. Her back pressed against the door. His lips ran down the tattoo on her neck.

"You gonna come with me Boy Scout?" She asked, gripping his belt buckle.

He stiffened, kicked off his boots, and opened the bathroom door so her could push her inside. "Always."

She smirked at him, turning on the water as he ripped off his clothes.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Shepard rolled onto his side, raising his head up into his hand as he gazed down at Jack sprawled out upon his sheets. He pressed his fingers into the small of her back, running them along her spine as he simply watched her. He quirked a brow slightly, inclining his head to the side.

"No," Jack grumbled. "Fuckin'...After that you still want to talk? The purpose of fucking is to avoid talking."

"Haven't we already had a conversation like this before?" He asked with a small grin. "I'm pretty sure it leaned in my favor."

"I'm pretty sure I don't want to do this." Jack sighed in frustration and started to stand out of the bed.

Shepard wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her back down. "Come on, Jack. You've got to get it off your chest. I know seeing David was har-"

"No," she snarled. "Being fucking kept in a cage by Cerberus is hard. You don't fucking get it, Shepard, and you can't." She jerked out of his grasp.

"Just tell me what's going through your mind," he said softly, sitting up on the edge of the bed as she started to pace the room.

"They get away with it." She shook her head, clenched her fist. "That Cerberus and the Illusive Man get away with it, and fucking people get hurt because of it. And they won't fucking stop! And it sucks, it's horrible, and there's no fucking reason to it."

Shepard kept quiet as she ranted, only speaking when she took a break. "No, there's not. The galaxy is ruled by disorder and chaos, and life comes down to nothing more than chance, a roll of dice."

Jack just shook her head. "I don't want your philosophy shit, Shepard."

"We fight. We survive. We endure." He stood and walked to her, grabbing her hands. "Will. Pride. Grit. We decide when those are taken from us. We decide when we surrender. And I say fuck the universe and its chances. Fuck Cerberus. David's at Grissom now, and he'll become more then what his brother tried to define him as. And Cerberus could never define you. You're not what they tried to turn you into. And one day...they will burn for what they've done. I promise you that."

She looked at him before wrapping her arms around his neck and resting her head against his chest. "Damn right they will."

He picked her up and carried her back to the bed, tucking her under the sheets with a small smile. "Damn right. You should get some rest after today."

"Yeah, yeah." She nestled under the covers as he laid down next to her. They laid in silence for a while before she asked quietly, "How are you so good at that?"

"Hmm?" He nuzzled into her neck.

"Knowing exactly what to say at the exact right time to make everything feel better?"

He smiled against her skin. "It's a skill I've gained from being an avid bullshitter."


	37. Tyr

Two years ago Shepard had stumbled upon a young, naive Asari scientist who had trapped herself inside a Prothean ruin defense system. She had thought him a delusion, a trick of the mind from dehydration. If someone would have told him then that Liara T'Soni would become the next Shadow Broker, he probably would've laughed in their face.

It was still hard to believe, even as he stepped into the giant ship that acted as her new base. She was definitely moving up in the world. Shepard was happy for her. Proud of her. It just felt...

Well, damn. Wrex had become leader of the Krogan. Anderson was a councilor. Williams moving up the Alliance chain-of-comm-All right, fuck Williams...But now Liara was the goddamn Shadow Broker? And he was just a burnt-out former Alliance war hero turned zombie. Yeah, he stopped the Collectors, but now he was just playing space cowboy with a hijacked Normandy. And that couldn't last forever.

"I want all agents to be on alert for any Cerberus movements. If any ship or personnel is spotted, I want a full report immediately. Top priority." The doctor was already barking orders like she'd been doing this her whole life.

"Such a hard-ass," Shepard said with an over exaggerated sigh and shake of his head. "Hope you at least offer vacation days to your employees."

"Must've learned it from you, Commander," the Asari said with a small smile.

He feigned a look of hurt, placing his hand over his chest. "Ouch."

"I'm glad you stopped by, Shepard. Just give me a moment." She turned away to give a few more commands, pushing buttons on the plentiful of monitors.

Shepard wandered off as he waited, found a nice couch to sprawl out on, and kicked his feet up on the coffee table. It was a nice place...Well, a good place to throw a party. His lips twitched into a small smirk. It would be fun.

"No," the Shadow Broker stated firmly as she joined him, taking a seat next to him.

"What?" He threw on a mask of innocence.

"I know that look." She stared him down like a mother does a misbehaving child. "And, no, you are not using my base to house a party, for target practice, or to test explosives in."

He opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off, "Or anything else of the sort, Commander."

He just frowned in disappointment and crossed his arms. "Such a tight ass."

"Someone has to keep you in line."

"Pfft."

She chuckled as she crossed her legs. There were a few moments of silence before she spoke again. "So, Shepard, we haven't really talked in a while...How are you holding up?"

He groaned and covered his face. "I swear, if you bring up Williams...Said and done. I've moved on. Not discussing it."

"To Jack?" She asked carefully.

"Oh. You disapprove?" Shepard glanced at her before looking away. He scoffed and shook his head. "Go ahead and lecture. Get it out of your system. I was needing a fucking nap anyways."

"There's no need to get defensive." There was Liara's soothing tone. Tinted with concern. She placed a hand on his shoulder. "I just don't want you to get hurt."

"I got hurt." A sharp, humorless chuckle. "Just not by who you think."

"I'm sorry, Maverick."

"Don't be." He looked at her with a weary smile. "I'm not. Maybe it was rushed, maybe it was bad timing, maybe, hell, it was wrong, but...I didn't have time to think. I was walking into hell. Ashley wasn't there. Jack was...And shit..."

He sighed and rubbed his forehead. Liara waited patiently.

"I don't have to perfect," he finally said, "for Jack...I don't even have to be the fucking hero. Say what you want. Think what you will. But she deserves a chance. The world once judged me like they do her. Shit, some still do." He chuckled. "...And I love her. I'd do anything for her."

Liara sighed. "I trust your judgement, Maverick. Just...be careful. I worry about you."

"You shouldn't," He replied with a smirk. "I'm obviously invincible."

"The main reason I worry is because you think that." She gave him a small smile. "But now that you've destroyed the Collectors and left Cerberus, what do you plan to do?"

"Mostly fuck with Cerberus," he mumbled, crossing his arms behind his head. He gazed out the sky windows, watching the storm that was starting to raise outside. How appropriate. "I want to hit them as hard as I can. Yet stay out of their reach. Until..."

"Until what?" The Shadow Broker asked.

Shepard clicked his tongue to the roof of his mouth. He rubbed his jaw. "Humanity's always needed a shove to go to war. Seems like most races are like that...I can't go back to the Alliance. Not now. They'll saddle me down with red tape and charges. They won't listen to what I say. Until...Something forces them to. Until something forces them to act."

Liara was silent for a few moments. She stared out the window with him. "And what do you think that something will be?"

"I have no fucking idea." He shook his head. "And I'm not looking forward to finding out."

"You're a soldier at your core, Shepard." Liara smiled at him. "You miss it."

"No, I'm a warrior." He rubbed the inked rune on his neck. Tyr. "There's a difference. A soldier follows orders. A warrior fights." He looked down at the ground. "...But, yeah, I do miss it. Even with all the bullshit."

"Then you'll be glad to hear that I have something for you." The asari stood quickly and wandered off into a side room on the ship. Shepard blinked before following her.

"Close your eyes," She demanded.

"Why?" He was a bit more than suspicious.

"Just do it."

He grumbled under his breath before doing what she asked. He heard rummaging, and a few moments later, he felt her take his hand into hers. His fingers were pried open. He felt cool metal against his skin...Felt a chain slink against his fingers, and heard the jingling it made.

He opened his eyes quickly. A grin spread across his lips, like he was a small child on Christmas morning. In the palm of his hand, he held his dog tags. Parts of the metal had been blackened and bent-they had been through hell with him-but he could still make out the letters:  
SHEPARD  
ACE, K. O NEG  
SYSTEMS ALLIANCE NAVY N7  
NO PREFERENCE

"Thought you'd miss these, Commander," Liara said with a knowing smile.

He didn't know what to say. He put the chain around his neck, and grabbed ahold of the asari. He picked her up off the ground in a giant hug, laughing as she squealed.


	38. Eye of the Storm

"Come here."

Jack's eyebrow twitched as she was grabbed from behind, being lifted up and carried into the elevator. Had she not known it was Shepard, he would be dead. Actually, since she did know it was Shepard, she was contemplating killing him.

"If you don't put me down, dumbass, I will murder you." She twisted around in his hold so she could glare at him. "I'm not joking."

He was smirking at her, of course. She could see mischievous planning going on behind his green eyes. "I have a surprise for you."

"Three." She held up three fingers.

Shepard just kept on smirking at her. The door opened, and he stepped outside onto the first deck.

"Two." She set down a finger. By now they were inside his cabin.

"One," he finished for her, throwing her down onto his bed. "Wait here." He was gone behind his desk a moment later.

She was about to put him in his damn place, but he came back quickly, before she could think of how, with an acoustic guitar. He jumped onto the bed, taking a seat next to her with a grin. "I have something for you."

Jack glowered. "I have a fist for you."

He held a finger up to her lips. "Just listen. I think you'll like it."

She sighed, leaning back into his bed and staring up at him expectantly. "Well? Get the hell on with it, Boy Scout."

He smiled and chuckled as he began strumming. His eyes fell on her, locked on with hers. She loved watching him play. And damn, did she love his voice.

He started singing:

"I knew I was in it to die,  
For a girl with fire in her eyes,  
When I first met her  
Wandering through the caverns of Hell  
As if she didn't know better.  
It's easy to get lost  
When you're alone in the dark."

Her eyes fell down to watch his hands when she realized what this was.

"And she was a tiger,  
A tiger with dark brown eyes,  
That spoke of a place,  
Where only beasts dared to lie.  
So dark and barren;  
She long abandoned,  
Doesn't dare trend,  
Where those memories are."

It was masterful, the way he played, and the way his fingers moved across the neck like a painter with a brush.

"And I know how she seems,  
But she's a fighter,  
My fighter.  
And I'd follow her into the abyss.  
Do anything  
For just one kiss.  
So take my hand,  
And I promise you this,  
That I'll be your fighter,  
Your soldier,  
Your man that can't resist."

She couldn't help but smile. He returned it as he played through the bridge.

"Baby, I know, it's hard to open doors  
That have been shut so long  
You've forgotten how to start,  
And it's safer if you don't.  
And I know it seems better  
To not take these kinds of risks,  
Because we're all just pigs,  
Fighting over our own piece of shit.  
And I know it seems easier, simpler,  
To live life like this,  
Drowning your own heart,  
Because it's better than someone else's."

He held her gaze. Those fucking eyes...

"But I'm here, always here,  
And I'll be there, right there,  
If the memories are,  
Too much to bare.  
I'll hold you,  
And together, we'll just stare  
Up at the stars.  
Limitless, all of it could be ours,  
Because together,  
Time doesn't exist."

She sat up, scooting closer to him.

"Baby, I know,  
You're a fighter,  
My fighter.  
And I'd follow you into the abyss.  
Do anything  
For just one kiss.  
So take my hand,  
And I promise you this,  
That I'll be your fighter,  
Your soldier,  
Your man that can't resist."

She held out a hand to touch the side of his face, fingers running through his beard.

"So forget the world,  
Because the universe is  
So much bigger,  
And the stars just shine,  
So much brighter.  
We don't need them, no,  
Oh, I know,  
I don't need them.  
But baby, I need you.  
I know, oh I know,  
That I need you."

Damn his sexy voice. Jack pulled him into a kiss, and he met it eagerly. When she pulled away, he was grinning, and asked, "Worth it?"

She was about to reply with a snark, but Kelly called in over the comm, "Commander, you've got a message coming in from Alliance Command. Admiral Hackett. Should I send it up to your room?"

Shepard let out a huff of air, kissing Jack on the cheek, whispering, "Give me a minute." He was on his feet a moment later, setting the guitar down on the bed, and telling Chambers to send the comm through.

Jack leaned back into the bed, waiting as he played Commander. She listened as he spoke to the Admiral, something about a mission. A few minutes later, Shepard walked back to her, leaning over her on the bed. He kissed her forehead. "So...Surprise, surprise. The Alliance needs me to run an errand."

She ran her hands up his forearms. "So, Commander, when are we shipping out?"

"...Hmm...That's the catch." His lips moved along her jaw. "Hackett wants me to go alone."

"Wait. What the fuck?" Jack sat up, frowning. She really didn't like the sound of that. "You said yes? I'm going with you. I'm fucking going with you."

He cupped her cheek, running his thumb over her over her bottom lip. "Just a little grab and run. That's it. I've done worse. I'll be okay, all right? Everything will be okay."

She looked in his eyes and nodded, wrapping her arms around his neck. He smiled at her softly, placing his lips against hers.


	39. Aftermath: Arrival

Two days. That's how long Shepard had been fucking gone. Two days since they'd let him wander off on some Alliance mission alone. Two fucking days and they hadn't done shit. Needless to say, Jack was pissed.

Well, she was going to make him pay when he got back. Already, she'd been playing his vinyls, and placing them back out of order. She'd been 'defiling' Arabella, getting her fingerprints all over the guitar. And as soon as he stepped back on the ship, she was going to break his damn nose for making her worry this much.

The call came when she was really fucking over his privacy, going through the datapad he wrote songs on...And drew stick figures of the Illusive Man blowing up on. But Joker chimed in over the comm in Shepard's room, "Uh...Jack? You told me, well threatened me if I didn't, to inform when we heard from the Commander. It seems as if we have to pick him up, since he's about to blow up a whole star system by ramming an asteroid into a mass relay."

Jack threw the pad to the side, sliding off the bed and hurrying to the elevator. "If he's still on the fucking line, tell him I'm going to kill him!"

"Not a priority at the moment," Joker replied back.

The elevator door opened, and Jack ran up the bridge of the CIC. She took a look down the cockpit before standing near the airlock. "If you were driving any slower you'd be going fucking backwards!"

"Hey!" Joker snapped back. "I've been pulling his ass out of the fire long before you. I know what I'm doing."

Jack was about to snarl back at him, but the airlock slid open. She immediately turned to see Shepard step onto the ship. Well, more like limp. He was clutching his stomach. Blood was pouring through his fingers. He hit the wall, leaning against it as he used it for support to make his way to the cockpit, growling through gritted teeth, "Joker. Get us out of here!"

The Normandy shifted and tilted as they headed for the relay, an asteroid blazing hot behind them. Jack forced Shepard to lean against her, helping to keep him standing. She grumbled to him, "If you weren't already bleeding, I'd make you. What the hell were you doing?!"

"Saving the galaxy," he grumbled back, stumbling forward to lean against the back of Joker's chair.

They made the jump, just in time. The pilot turned around to look at the Commander. "We're good, Shepard. You should...go see Chakwas."

He didn't respond.

Jack took a step forward, pulling on his shoulder. "Mav. Let's go."

He didn't respond. Jack followed his eyes to look at the screen before Joker. Displayed was the star system they had just left, outlined in red, and flashing with warnings. His face...A flash of pain, guilt, and then just solid stone. It took a while, but he finally stood back. "Let's go."

The step turned into a stumble, and Jack caught him to help him up. She ran a hand through his hair as she lead him to the elevator. "Come on, Mav. Let's get you patched up."


	40. Reality

"Take it easy for a few days, Commander." Chakwas demanded as she checked over Shepard's bandages. "And that's an order. You've been stressing your body too much here lately."

"Yeah, well...Tell people to stop shooting me," Shepard grumbled as he rubbed his forehead. Damn, it was pounding.

"Commander, Admiral Hackett is on the way to see you," Joker called in over the comm. "Make sure you're decent."

Shepard grumbled some more before sliding off the bed. He picked up his shirt and slid it back on, being careful not to irritate his bandages. "I'm ready for him." Really, he wasn't.

The doctor patted him on the back as she left the room and the Admiral entered. Shepard crossed his arms as his once superior officer approached, not bothering to salute, stand at attention, or anything. Call it pride, but he just wasn't in the damn mood for pretenses.

"Commander," Hackett greeted him. "What the hell happened? I sent you in on a rescue mission, and not only is Kenson dead, but a whole star system is destroyed. The Alliance is out for blood."

It tasted like blood in his mouth. Three-hundred thousand lives. Playing God. He didn't even fucking believe in God and it still felt wrong. "I did what I had to do, Admiral. I bought us time. Tell the Alliance not to waste it, and to go fuck themselves."

Hackett raised his hat so he could run a hand through his hair. "Despite your disregard for rules, protocol, and proper military conduct, I know you're a damn good soldier. I pinned that Star of Terra on you, son...But we're on the verge of war with the Terminus Systems. The brass will want to hang you out as a convenient scapegoat. But there's not much solid evidence against you. Hand yourself in, and we'll be able to fight it."

Shepard was stunned. "Wait. What? Hand myself in? Admiral, I don't have fucking time while the Alliance plays politics with its head up its ass. The Reapers are coming. I have to be on the front lines building a damn army."

"And how are you doing to do that, Commander, while the Alliance is actively working against you?" Hackett kept his voice calm, as if he was trying to talk sense into Shepard instead of argue with him. Shepard sounded like the exact opposite.

"I am not handing myself in. I did nothing wrong. They should be thanking. If I hadn't..." He couldn't even say it. He shook his head. "We all would be dead by now."

"If it were up to me, I'd give you a medal." The Admiral rubbed his forehead. "But you can't run away from this. They'll see it as an admittance of guilt. And...they might be willing to dig to paint you as any picture they want."

Shepard had to sit down. "You mean my past. Well...Fuck." He ran his hands over his face. "Fine, Admiral. I'll hand myself in."

Hackett nodded firmly. "Good. Finish what you're doing out here, Commander, but when the Alliance calls, I expect you there in your dress blues."

"Yes, sir."

The room was silent after Hackett had left. Shepard just sat there with his head in his hands. So many thoughts were ringing in his mind, and he couldn't keep any of them straight.

And he had to tell Jack. Shit, he had to tell Jack.


	41. Won't Say Goodbye

Shepard took his time heading to the elevator. He really wasn't looking forward to looking Jack in the eye and telling her he lied. Saying he had to leave after he had promised to be there for her. She wasn't going to take it well. Oh, he knew that. Hell, he wasn't taking it well.

The doors of his cabin opened as he approached. His lover was waiting for him on the bed, once again nosing through his personal datapad. She grinned up at him as he entered-that grin that usually made him mirror it-and held up a drawing he had done. "The Illusive Man getting gnawed on by a shark that's actually the cheerleader? Fucking rich, Shepard."

"I try my best," he simply said back. He couldn't even force a half-decent sarcastic remark back.

She gave him a look as she sat up. She knew something was up. "What the hell's the matter?"

Shepard let out a long huff of air, rubbing the back of his neck viciously as he took a seat on the bed next to her. Next he attacked his beard, rubbing it like he had some kind of fucking fleas. "We...need to talk."

"Shepard. Don't you dare be fucking-" 

"Jack." Shepard stopped her before she could completely go off. He turned to face her, holding her face in his hands to force her to look him in the eyes. "I love you. So fucking much. And I love your fire...But for the next minute, I need you to listen to me. Just listen, because I have no damn idea how I'm going to say this."

She glared at him, pulled away, and crossed her arms over her chest as she leaned back a bit, noticeably putting distance between them. She didn't respond. He took the silence as acceptance.

"This war is shit," was the only way he could think of to start. "But it lead me to you, and that is incredibly overrated and fucking corny, I know."

"Fuck yeah it is," she scoffed.

"Hey." Shepard held up a finger. "Listen."

Jack snorted in return.

"I don't give a shit if it's corny," he continued. "Because it's true. But...I have to finish this. Jack, I...fucking have to finish this fight. This is my war." He rested his head in his hands, closing his eyes. Fuck, this was harder than he thought it would be. And he knew it would be fucking hard.

"What the fuck are you saying, Shepard?" Jack was using a defensive tone. He couldn't let her pull away now. Somehow, he had to keep a hold of her. Had to.

After a while, he looked back up at her. His eyes showed his vulnerability, like a damn kicked puppy. He couldn't help it. "I don't want to, Jack, but I have to...I killed 300,000 people today..." Silence. "...And the Alliance wants to take me in. I have to turn myself in, Jack. I don't like it-"

"Fuck that shit!" Jack stood up suddenly, backing up away from him. She was snarling, clenching her fists. The anger, confusion was clear on her face, in the tension of her body. "No. Fuck the Alliance. We'll hijack the whole Normandy, go pirate, run off to Omega. They won't fucking catch us."

"Jack, no-" 

"You told me, Shepard!" she snarled. The hurt was clear now, hidden behind all that anger. "You told me you'd fucking be there for me, that you'd never leave me. But you're just like the rest!"

"Jack." Shepard stood, reaching out to touch to her, but she lashed out at him with a biotic wave. He flew across the room, hitting the cocktail table. It flipped over. Glass and paper hit the floor. He swore the world was spinning.

"Don't fucking touch me!" She was storming to the door. "I don't need you, Shepard. Fuck you."

"Jack!" Shepard fought to stand. He stumbled, but ran after her, grabbing her shoulder. He made her turn around. She was blurry, hazy, fading. He paid it no fucking attention. "Jack...I have to do this, if we want a life together, I have to do this. For you. I fucking love you, Jack."

Her hand was glowing blue, like she was going to hit him again. Yet she held back. He thought he saw a tear roll down her cheek. "Maverick."

The world was spinning again, fading in and out in black. She put her hands on him as he almost fell, helping him to stand and covering his stomach. "You're bleeding. Shit...We need Chakwas."

"I fucking love you, Jack," he repeated in a slur before the world went dark.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Shepard's eyes slowly opened to stare up at space and stars. A sharp pain pounded in his stomach as he leaned up with a groan, checking underneath the covers of his bed. The wound he had received early had been re-bandaged. It hurt more, though, like he had been stabbed a few fucking hundred times.

"Your stitches came undone." Jack was sitting next to him, arms crossed. "I'm still very pissed at you, though, fucker."

She was there. She was still fucking there.

He gritted his teeth as he reached over his nightstand, picking up the frame that his old dog tags were nestled in. He pulled the chain out into his palm, examining the beaten and burnt metal. These had been with him through hell and back, more than once. He looked up at Jack for a moment before looking back at the tags.

"These were the first thing I ever did right in my life," Shepard said softly. "Yet you were the best." He turned his gaze back to her, holding the tags out toward her. "I want you to have them. Because I will come back for you after this damn war. Because I will spend the rest of my life with you. The Reapers can go fuck themselves. I love you, Jack."

She took them from his palm, wrapping the chain around her fingers so she could take his hand. "I'll fucking hold you to that, Mav...I love you." 

Words were never enough. She leaned forward, meeting his lips with her own, and they shared one last kiss before everything went to hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, we're at the end. It's been fun to write, and ME3 is next. Hopefully soon! Thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> This is really my first time doing one of these. I'm a bit nervous, to be honest. I'd love to hear any advice or comments!


End file.
